After I got over the allergic reaction to my ap from the night before and had started to feel physically better it started to dawn on me “omg I can’t take my ap anymore for reals, for reals”.
I started having major anxiety and getting myself pretty worked up as to what the past was like and what the future looked like. I remembered the feeling that my thoughts were not my own and that I had no control over my own brain and got myself pretty convinced that my life was going to be crap again without my ap. After a really long period of not being able to cry I found myself not being able to hold back tears and spent the afternoon tearful.
I wanted to go to the emergency room to get some haldol for the evening so I wouldn’t have to go without an ap and I wouldn’t stay up all night ruminating but I didn’t have a ride. Finally on towards the evening I was able to reach my ex husband and he was able to take me.
So after I got checked in the er and was waiting to talk to the Doc I heard this woman talking really loud, badmouthing the doctor, cussing, telling people to shut the f up and really being rude. It went on for a long time, like 20 minutes or more. At one point she asked for a glass of water and it sounded like the nurse told her she would in a minute but this woman demanded it right away and called the nurse the b word. Well all the while I had been increasingly getting more and more agitated by this woman’s loud voice and rude tone and when she called the nurse the b word I exploded.
I erupted from my room screaming “where is this loud mouthed b#$%*”. There was a hallway full of people around this lady’s room trying to deal with her situation: cops, mental health, nurses and the doctor. She opens up her curtain and says here I am and I take a step towards her and the doctor, who knows me very well, grabs me and put his arm around me and said it’s ok tera. One of the cops starts yelling at me about how she has mental health issues and she doesn’t even know what she’s saying and she just needs help. Then my nurse rushes over and scoops me up, by this time I’m bawling and saying how sorry I am, and she’s trying to calm me back down and get me to the other side of the hospital. The nurse gets me to a quiet room and gets me some ice water and gets the freak out attack under control.
Pretty soon the doc comes in and I can’t tell him enough how sorry I am. He says that is so not like me and we talk awhile about the day I’ve had. Finally after he checks my records for dosing amounts he gets me some haldol to get me through the night and they sent me home.