i just sit in my own filth, all i’ve been doing this winter is smoking and eating. my place is already a mess again. and im telling myself i’ll wait until spring to clean it. i need to downsize my living situation i think and get rid of some stuff. and i have no motivation to get a job. i feel like as long as im diagnosed sza and on meds i will just continue to live on my benefits and not stress myself out.
i havent cooked a meal in over a month, just eating gas station food, and sometimes subway.
come to think of it, i’ve pretty much always had negatives. the only thing i pursued was sports, pleasure, and leisure. never liked work or cooking, or house stuff and studying/ doing homework. i’ve always lived for my escapes
i get depressed when im out of cigarettes and have to sit here with nothing to do in the evening, its better when the weather is warm though. im out of cigarettes by 5pm and then i just sit in the dark for 5 or 6 hours waiting to fall asleep.