My mother passed away. I feel an immense agony inside me

[Andy]

I am very depressed this week. It was 4 months since my mother passed away. She also had schizophrenia, but she also had depression and rheumatoid arthritis, she felt a lot of pain in her body because of arthritis. She was taken to the hospital by ambulance and had a urinary tract infection, the cause of her death.

I feel an immense agony inside me.
It seems that my life has no more meaning for me, I have a terrible insomnia every day, sleeping little and waking up tired, feeling pain in my body as if I had not slept at all.

My depression got worse. I even tried to kill myself hanged and cut my arm with a knife.

When I look at my mom’s photos, I feel really sad because I didn’t have a lot of patience with her, because she was already getting into Alzheimer’s disease. I have thoughts of guilt, thinking that I could have helped her more, but we constantly talked about angels and God.

What consoles me are the prayers I say to God and when I read the Bible, Jewish and spiritualist books and about philosophy. Music has helped me too, but there are times when I feel an existential emptiness, when that happens I try to read some spiritual book or listen to Christian music.

Lately the mood stabilizer has helped me too and the antidepressant.

I have this prescription now:

• Risperidone 2mg, one in the morning and one at night.
• Sertraline 50mg, 200mg daily
• Sodium valproate 500mg, 3 times a day
• Clonazepam 2mg, 1 or 2 times a day

Pray for me, my dear friends.

God bless you all.

[MissJennyJen]

I’m really sorry about your Mother. She is at peace, with rest. I dread the day my mom will pass, and I know I too will face existential agony when the day comes. Please hang on and know that the world will keep on turning, and that mom would have wanted you to be strong for her and go on with life, with her memory in heart. I hope you keep reaching out, you deserve to be happy, life can be beautiful still.

All the best.

[anon78876561]

Many prayers and thoughts sent your way. Try to find peace.

[Ninjastar]

I’m so sorry. It is horrible losing someone you love. When I lost my dad, I was a mess for like two years. Even now, 13 years later, I am still grieving. Do you have access to a hospice center for loss? In my country, they provide free grief counseling for up to a year.

[PinCushion]

Her pain is gone. Death is not a bad thing when one is old and in pain. It is normal. The progression of the cycle of life. Give thanks.

[laros]

Iam so sorry for your loss.
hold on Andy some days its raining some days there is sunsine.

[Andy]

Thank you all. Your words are words of hope and love.

[Jake]

My mother also died in September 3 years ago. I have a new step-mother, so that helps. My thoughts are with you.

[Moonbeam]

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother @Andy. Take care of yourself and I hope that fond memories of your mother bring you comfort.

[LilyoftheValley]

I am so sorry you lost your mom. I can’t imagine how painful that must be. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers

[Wave]

I lost my Mother to advanced dementia this past September.
I miss her everyday but I hold on to beautiful memories and photos of her.
She is always with me still.

Hold on to the memories of your Mother @Andy.
Love never dies.

[jukebox]

I am so sorry your mom passed away…I hope you feel better soon…

[ATARI]

@Andy

Christian music

To Start,

I have Personally Found That 90% of “christian” Music to Be Very Troubling.

At Least Where I Live Locally.

That Could Be What’s Causing You a Problem to Break Down Walls That is Holding The Presence of What it is You Are Spiritually Seeking.

It’s Not About Closure. And it is, At The Same Time.

It Takes Years.

Not Days.

Not Weeks.

Not Months.

But Years. For You to Reach a Higher Level of Mutual Understanding Between You And Death.

And All You Have Lost Along The Way.

Good Luck. And Push The Outside World Away For a Bit.

And Know That, There Are No Answers in Suicidal Attempts.

Jus Neverending Regret.

Good Luck!.. . …