Ok, am sad now, pls dont judge me…
I was out today to the supermarket etc, as every day, but i had my mother too…
I know well, that my time is flying away… But she really thinks, that i can push more with the men, that i could try to find someone, which maybe will help me in her opinion…
But she doesnt know, that every evening still, i need to hide from the neighbors on my balcony cross the street, i need to retire in a dark room, on the floor, just scrolling on my phone in order to get back to myself… I shake then, am heavy in my body, am paranoid and i almost cant move much… My eyes look probably crazy and scared then, i wouldnt like that someone will see me with those eyes etc.
Not even talking about how sometimes i cant feel even positive emotions and that i cant sit calmly on a chair outside in a coffeeshop for example, cause my conversion disorder still makes me twist etc…
I really am fighting now for better mental health, but everyone seems to think, that i should push to find a partner now…
The truth is that lately i even cry in the nights here, cause i need cuddles and hugs after years without them, but before, i was unable even to cry, for me this even is some kind of emotional progress…
Well, my ex pdoc said to my family, that i live in hell, my mother wasnt very moved by that…
I even get to talk sometimes to some strangers outside, but after a 5 minute talk where i pretend to be normal, i get tired and i run away usually…
I really want to not be in pain so much before finding someone… But yes, my mother knows well the life, am 41 already and she doesnt believe, that i’ll feel better…
I understand that she can be worried, that i can die alone, but i really am in a big pain still, i even struggle to talk still…
Idk who is wrong, me or she… but when you feel nothing in your soul, you probably dont look much for love idk… as i said, i think of love often, am not a total hermite or given up on this… But i want to feel free too a bit more…
Idk what you guys think on my hiding from the love?
well, i also was treated by my best friend as ugly in my back, she is sz too though, but she said, that am ugly and thats why the men dont like me…
Nice, eh?! 
i’ll probably cry in a few… Hugs
I can relate to my life actually what is happening with me right now.
@Anna1 you know when ever I get a job my parents search for alliance and I lose the job thinking of the future.
If you are thinking of love that means you are on the look out. Hope, Trust and Faith be with you 
You don’t have to have a man to live a good life. I’m 47, have been singled for years. I only get lonely periodically.
But yeah, Loke, you probably had in the past someone… You got even a kid…
Me, i wasnt even kissed properly by a man, Loke, its smth though… yeah, i had men who were in my bed, but not even kissing me, nice kind of guys right?? 
Maybe its superfluous to complain from lack of love, cause the others fight for it, they dont wait maybe to feel joy…
But i really feel sick too often still, the pain erases a bit my pleasures etc… 
Plus we all lack love i find, the normies as well and this is very true i find…
But yeah, am very sad now… Its hard to have been sick since the age of 12 and up to now…
I should stop crying now maybe, but i guess my body shouts for someone now lol…
Am not sure that anyone would try with me more than that now, when i cant even go out… My mother says to push and just try. I tried before… I always was ending up with somatics and fears around the others…
anyways, my mom suffers for me probably, but am too sad a for a guy now i find, idk if am not wrong…
I think this is less about dating and more about you being obsessed with your mother’s opinion of you.
You have to let that go.
If you would just stop listening to her say these negative things and allowing her to make you feel bad,
It would half your issues.
You don’t have to date if you don’t want to.
But the bigger issue is not letting your mom get in your head so much.
I agree with Charles Foster. Also my sister always stole my bf’s so I thought she was the pretty sister. That hurt me. And when I was a little kid another girl at school told me I was ugly. So I was in my 30s b4 I figured out I wasn’t ugly. I was so broken hearted over it I used to ask God why he made me so ugly. You’re not ugly. Someone told you you were ugly and you believed a lie. But I understand the emotional pain that that kind of lie can bring.
This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.