Yesterday I was working 10 hour shift and my mom texted me that she got a date at a restaurant and I thought that she will dine and go home alone or very least rent a hotel room. When I got home from work all stressed and managed to sit down for 10 mins (I was standing the whole 10 hour shift) and thought about thought about to have a ciggg outside and met my mom and him in the stairway. So my initial thought they gonna have a snack maybe some coffee and call it a night. So I had my smoke and prepped them coffee, gave them chocolate and said that I am going to the gym for a workout (P.S. I was really exhausted and the only reason I went to allow them to have fun in one hour) and before I packed my stuff the dude was talking some trivial stuff about politics and economics and my eye started twitching from stress and anxiety. So I hurried and left asap. When I got home I thought he left because my mom was alone in her room so I went to the bathroom and went into a naked stranger in the shower. So to distract myself I started doing some chores but that dude kept me stalling from bringing my dog for a walk talking about some trivial stuff. So after doing everything I needed for the flat I sat down in the kitchen and hands were not only shaking but it looked almost like an epileptic tremor and my eye was starting to close from twitching. So I had some cereal quickly and went for a smoke. I got back in the flat and my room is across my mom’s I had to walk past it and when I was walking it seemed my mom were jerking him off! ( even though my mom said they only were gonna sleep) so I felt really uncomfortable and while being in my room I started hearing moaning and put on some music. My chest was pounding and tight, painful as well, hands and fingers shaking and jerking, eye twitching, sweating and almost starting to have hallucinations. In my last attempt I put my headphones and played some music but I wanted to have rest but I couldn’t. In two hour they had sex for like 3 times (dude probably had viagra or smh) and they started talking loudly after sex and only in 3 am they calmed and was able to sleep. But wait! At 5 am they started talking again and having fun as well so they woke me and was as much or even more stressed! So I had shower and smoked then managed to get some sleep while they were in the kitchen. I am pissed at my mom, she no we that I have schizophrenia and I am really anxious and it can bring up my SZ and I also put a lot of effort at work and now I can’t even relax at home! She knows that I have ED from medication and told her not to have sex at home or at least when I am not at home. My mom made her look badly to have a guy at hers for a first date and have sex, she’s not in her 20s anymore! I know sex is healthy and recommended but I wasn’t that stressed when I started a new job in a foreign country. Today I slept whole day, i feel like paralyzed and unable to do anything, I just lay in bed at stare at a ceiling. What I ate whole day today was a bowl a cereal and that’s it also I have 11 hour shift tomorrow!
Everyone needs a good ■■■■ every once in awhile. I wouldn’t let it get to you so much, however she should be more private about it especially with her kid living at home.
I mean I didn’t have a chance to move out. I did move out at 18years old and 21 again and at 25, but my mom keeps somehow bringing me to hers which is unfair. My sister or mom could have managed to get me help in England or in Lithuania and managed somehow save my living space but instead they moved every piece of cloth back to hers and calls me her little baby which is dehumanizing
I’m stuck at my parents too. They are afraid to let me move out due to my psychotic breaks. I’m dating and hopefully will have a serious enough relationship to live with someone else so they won’t have to worry as much
Worth to mention that dude lives alone like 30 mins drive or less from our home. That would have been fine but I got stressed a lot at work and that was just a cherry on top
Yah she should have gone to his. I don’t bring dates back to my family home. I have had a lot of car sex in the past couple months though which is pretty risky.
I don’t get it. Yeah, it’s gross to know family members have sex, but she’s a grown adult and so are you. Put in headphones or earplugs like the rest of the world does when their roommates are banging.
I did put headphones on, put I wanted to rest not to bang out music loudly. If it was someone I got yo know over time to bang my mom it would have been fine. Without a message or anything this dude shows at our doorstep. Worth to mention I’m more social anxiety based SZ So I get psychotic or more anxious talking to strangers. It would have been fine also if my room was across my mom’s room
It’s so much I’ve done for my mom like started getting better at school, peer pressured to graduate university while being diagnosed with SZ, get a full time job, do most of the chores, watch over my grandmother with Alzhaimers also. What I ever ask from her is just be quit at home when I get after work that’s the very least not only I want but NEED in order not to get hospitalized again and maintain low end and underpaid job
It’s always a problem when people have conflicting needs. Maybe you could tell your mom very circumspectly and tactfully that you want her to go to the dude’s house to have sex. Everybody has needs. Try to be tolerant your mother’s needs. Don’t try to take away this opportunity for self gratification from her. If you can’t get her to go to the dude’s house for sex maybe you should think about
I mean I gave them some time to do it when I left to the gym and no one informed if someone I didn’t know was coming . It was also the first time my mom saw him. I am also definitely moving out in 4 months when I’ll have saved up some cash and I’ll be getting benefits as well. If it was my home ■■■■■■■ a random girl he met at a club that would have been alright, cause I wouldn’t need to be focused after work talking some science stuff and be focused and be polite as much as possible, but when a random obese dude comes at our flat unannounced and starts banging whole night my mother is a different case
Its unreasonable to expect your mom to not have guys over. You could talk to her about keeping the volume down at night, but she has every right to have sex when she wants to. You have social anxiety, but thats not an excuse to be controlling over other people.
She controlled me my whole life when I am living at hers, with who to socialise, even when to go to bed even I am 26 years old. Also she continously shouted at me when i started smoking and it is forbidden for me to have like one beer at home as she thinks I’ll become alcoholic like her father. She interrogated me everytime when I make plans to go somewhere or meet someone and I don’t tell her not to date a guys. I even encourage her to do it, even showed some dating websites. If I ask to be left alone after work cause I am about to have a panic attack and have disability and please shoot me
Worth to mention my mom literally forced me to do community service job at her workplace literally the first time I got diagnosed with paranoid SZ and give most money to her. The work was physically hard like digging deep ditches to plant trees or roadworks around all park. Note to mention I suffered from huge negatives, was lethargic and suffered depression cause was taken from my previous living place without my consent. She also complained to the museum’s manager that I am not working efficiently and going for a cigarette too often and had serious talk and shouting at me to this day.
What does age matter here? You say she’s not in her twenties anymore, but that has nothing to do with having hook ups. Ultimately it comes down to this, are you living in her home or is she living in yours? I live at home with my folks, and even though I’m 28 I still follow their rules. I live in their home, and as such there is a certain level of respect I try to maintain, because the other option is to live on the streets. She has every right to have sex. You could talk to her about trying to make a compromise about not making loud noises when you have to wake up early, but ultimately its her choice. When we get to a certain age, regardless of what conditions we have preventing us from living on our own, we become guests in are parent’s homes. They are no longer bound by law to provide for us or offer us shelter.
If she has demands that you simply cannot meet then I would recommend having her talk to your treatment team about making reasonable goals. The other option is to start making other living arrangements.
I have not ability to move out but it’s on my priority list, I lived on my own many times and years, but the problem she keeps packing my stuff after my psychosis (2 times, initial and because stopped taking meds) I also pay her rent which covers half of the expenditure If that doesn’t mean I get to make few rules on my then I feel trapped
Wow that was pretty unfair of her. Maybe you need to work on getting your own place again. Do you think you would do okay living on your own?
I’m working a minimum paid job but it’s not that hard. I lived on my own after my first psychosis in a foreign country - UK I was feeling much better there. I think next month I’ll move out when I get my first paycheck or somehow wait it out when I’ll be starting getting benefits from my home country (4months more) then I’ll be guaranteed to have income if I lose my job and will be able to continue paying rent.
You wrote something similar a few days ago. Is this the same incident you were talking about the other day or a new one?
Is she still seeing this guy? If he became her boyfriend maybe he could help take care of the two of you.