My Mental Treasure

I really have done it. I have “mental treasure,” esoteric knowledge, the core of what I and others are, and while it obviously sounds like a grand delusion for someone in this forum, which isn’t comparing much, it however is real, tangible, and effective. If anything is that good, I have to say something about it.

I started off in the Fall of 2018 researching mindology. That, by the way, is the term I coined for the study of mind phenomena apart from any visceral organ phenomena. I’ve been a researcher of several areas going back to college, so this was something that was second nature for me to take on. I dropped all of my other work projects realizing they were all moot compared to this one.

Let me tell you. Before I had no control. I had absolutely no mental control. Can you understand that? Of course you can unless you’d be in denial for some reason. lol :wink: I work diligently, intrepidly, and in broad spanning contexts, but I still had no control of myself to the degree I needed to really succeed with people, and to stop being so mistake prone. I was suffering madly, losing relationships, capital, years left in my life…which was really the thrust behind all of my intrepid work ventures.

I will turn 40 next week. I had a helluva a journey since I turned 20, and I was then a new sz not knowing it though. Now begins the end of my sz, and I did it without the help from anyone nor any institution that people in this forum has been advised.

I have mental control now, and nobody’s listening. lol It’s great.

Every day for many years I have been waking up kind of like that ground hog day movie. lol I have been waking up, and I have been trying to remember how to figure out my mind, so I can do something with it as it has been in a state of depression, PTSD, phobia, and sz. If I could not recall something about my mind or anything that would move me, I could not get out of bed for anything. I definitely had to learn to be an entrepreneurial, self reliant type of rugged yet intellectual man because I could not keep another boss’s work schedule.

I just circled and circled and circled the drain the same every day. I had a little info to go on, and it kind of worked. I could get and go, work on that, or I had nothing. If I had nothing that morning, I’d wind up sleeping in, and tossing and turning lots for a long, long time thinking about what my mind is doing and what others minds are doing. When I came up with something, I’d get up, and I’d begin to write about it, and that expanded into more concepts to be written. Then I could get up, and I could roll out. I then had something knowledge to go on, and I felt I was useful again as this intellectual seeker kind of person in the community.

I did that day after day for many years, and nothing I manifested on the paper ever held solid for me. I always figured out something amazing about us as humans and/or minds in specific, and then it would be something I’d remember over and over again in order to cancel the sz effects, so I could handle things and people during my day. That would last from one day to maybe two days, then I’d forget it, or it would no longer have that positive effect. I was always going up and down, up and down…

With what I have on mindology now I go up, up, and up now. The knowledge is good every day and in every way. I’m not confused about what I am as a mind. I’m not confused about what others are or what they mean like I was before.

What I have now is so priceless to me because I’ve suffered the wrath in the worst ways without family and friends, always hiding from shape and disreputable observations about me because of my mental illness and because of racist prejudiced against me with saturates the landscape. The racism compounded my sz, however now it has no effect on me because I know precisely what is and isn’t going on. Before I assumed things about what it meant and what was happening that really was not. I’m beyond the tribic trivia now. I’m untouchable, unfoulable, and inculpable because in my mind what I know about my mind, my mental treasure, are the handles, levers, dials, display apparatuses that allow me to enter the society unscathed.

I want you all to understand that I could never enter society unscathed before. I want you to understand I had anthrophobia, agoraphobia in my sz so bad that at one time I lost my ability to speak and listen to people while staring straight at their speaking mouths. That was 15 years ago, however understand that the sz has been brutal the way I experienced all the while, and that conditions a brain the way a dog that is hit by an electric shock for moving an inch in a box is conditioned after 20 years.

Now the electric shock is no longer there. I have overridden it per se, and now my brain is learning to expand to that space…far out, around, over the landscape, through the society. Sometimes when I’m relaxing lately my mind wanders, and it wanders in those directions. It takes all things into account, and now it takes my recent experiences with “my mental treasure” into account to. It’s like a meta calculator, you know. Unlike the past 20 years it processes open ended possibility. Open ended upside to any situation out there. Then my mind buzzes with what I can describe as the joy of freedom.

If you were a prisoner of war in an ancient torture dungeon, and then you were free, how would you feel? That’s how this is.

This mental treasure I will hold close to the day I die. I held ancient mind wash believes, modern sci fi stories, and cultish ideas I made up over the years from my young life close thinking it was going to help me. It only made things worse, and I clung to those things tighter making things impossible to surmount. Sooooo much anguish you cannot fathom.

But now…now it’s something else. I have been pulling and lifting as if trying to stand and walk with chains on me from my shoulder down connected to major weights and barbed whip talons abreast. All of the trying, and trying, and trying amounted to something more than the man or woman who walked this life unscathed, undaunted, yet never stopping either. Now the chains are broken, the disorder is organized, and it’s free. I amassed all of these strengths and intellectual bobbles in me over the years trying to do what I could not know was possible to begin with, and in tears or in furious anger quite often.

I’m no longer in tears. I’m no longer in anger. I’m no longer in chains, no weights, no barbs. But I’ve amassed the wealth of self improvement under the weight of those factors for 20 years.

2019 is going to be a very fine year.

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