An update from my last post:
My dad has had his last chemotherapy treatment (for now), and continues radiation treatment for two more weeks. He’s weak, he’s been sick, he has sores in his mouth that make it hard to eat, so he’s lost weight. He wants to sleep much of the time.
Tomorrow when I go to see him, he won’t have any idea who I am. (Dementia combined with “chemo-brain”) And he’s lost much of his hair, which I’ve only heard about and not seen. I haven’t seen him in a month.
I’m absolutely dreading seeing him. Today, I’m spending the day on the couch with a blanket, trying not to think about how horrified I am that he’s going through this. Wishing I didn’t have to watch.
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Aw man, best wishes to you both.
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I can’t imagine a tougher situation. I’ll be thinking of you @Hedgehog.
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Youre lucky that hes alive snd didnt have advanced cancer.
I know how horrifying cancer is by the way you hear about it spreading. I lost my aunt to it recently and i watched her rapid decline snd eventual death in a rapid span of one week.
But your father is still alive and you should let him know hpw much you cherish that hes has hope for recovery. Just muster your courage and go there with a close family member together. You can find it as an opportunity to bond with them. That way you can better handle your anxiety.
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I appreciate your thoughts, @grumpy. I watched my mom die of lung cancer that spread to her brain ten years ago.
Moments of happiness are all I hope to give to my dad, even if he doesn’t know who I am. You’re right about that.
As far as being lucky he’s alive, that’s debatable. He’s alive, but will never be anything but in decline. The cancer is treatable, the dementia is not.
He wasn’t the best dad. But he was the best Grampy my son could have… When we were growing up, he was exhausted from working so hard and there were seven of us… He mellowed as he aged…
All things considered, he doesn’t deserve this.
You always have kind words, @everhopeful. Thank you.
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Oh I’m sorry @Hedgehog.
I know how difficult this can be.
Sending hugs your way.
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Thank you, @Vertigo. 
I always thought I was strong for enduring what I have, but I’m not as strong as I thought because I see how my mind longs for escape.
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Oh im so sorry to hear another person in your family died of cancer. My aunt had pancreatic cancer. She checked in the hospital for a backache and found that pancreatic cancer spread to her liver, other orgsns, back and brain. It was chilling hearing about it spread and watching her ramble and grow delirious from the cancer in the brain. She was also urinating blood and the decline was very traumatic and unpleasant to me.
I get that you love your dad very much but seeing the sight of a sick person does bring alot of pain.
I was able to deal with the trauma as i hugged my cousins snd aunts and talked with them as we visited the hospital. And have chats at the cafeteria together over food.
Even if your father has dementia, at least he still exists with you. One thing my cousin said after her mother died was that she underestimated the value of what it meant for someones live presence to be near you whrn alive… rven if they were sick and unsble to say much.
I hope you get through this. You definitely will.
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It’s hard to see someone you know seeming so vulnerable and physically and mentally changed. I was with my Mom until she went into hospice. I hope you will have peace knowing you will be there. For him.
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You understand. I’m sorry for what you went through with your aunt. That’s how it was with my mom. It was already stage 4 when she was diagnosed, but it took her two years to pass. She was in terrible pain and lost her mind… But, you’re right, in the end she couldn’t even speak, but when she did pass it I felt like I had been turned inside-out. I felt the loss of her mere presence.
It will be different with my dad, but it will still be a horrifying loss.
Thank you, @grumpy.
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Thank you, @JustTrish. I’m sorry about your mom.
I wonder why a natural and expected occurrence, the loss of a parent, is so hard to accept, but it is.
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She was 61. I guess I thought I would have more time than that. She was a great lady. But, she passed in 07. I’m here to offer you whatever help I can. Btw, my dad died from cancer in 09.
Sending you hugs… 
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My mom was 79 and tired when she passed, but I was 43 and felt like I should get to keep her longer. Your mom was too young. I’m sorry.
You’ve lost your dad too, so you’ve done this.
My family is so dysfunctional that the bright side of when my dad passes is that I don’t ever have to see some of my siblings again.
Anyway, thank you so much, @JustTrish. God bless
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Any time, hon.13edyt443
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Dang that’s rough… I’m so sorry… Best wishes for you and your family
Lots of hugs and good vibes being sent your way
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I’m so sorry @Hedgehog. That must be so hard on you.
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So sorry to hear this @Hedgehog. Wishing you lots of strength and peace.
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Sorry you and your dad are going through this @Hedgehog.
Praying for the two of you.
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