I’ve always found comfort in finding meaning in life and I always put compassion first. I don’t know why I’ve made some of the mistakes I’ve made. I’ve always felt like a little girl since that was the onset of my illness. I was abused and neglected growing up which left me emotionally unstable and confused and unable to regulate my emotions. Then I become a struggling confused adult and I begin being bullied by acquaintances and I don’t understand why. I panic out of terror. My family can see that I am distressed and struggling to reach out for help out of fear and they turn on me and begin bullying me as well all the while I am confused and in severe distress. My parents refuse to work and I am threatened to be attacked and kicked out of my parents home and have my wages stolen from me. I don’t have the skills to live on my own and am too afraid of people to do so after my first Psychosis, because my parents terrorized me into total and complete compliance and dependence on them and instilled fear of people and independence my whole life. How do you fix a moral injury that breaks your mind into Psychosis?
Therapy. The best therapy for me was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it was the only therapy I had that allowed me to be completely open, face both my abusive past and my hallucinations, etc, and handle everything with a greater sense of personal power. I hope you find your strength. 
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I agree with hedgehog, you need professional opinion and sound work plan, that will allow you to start taking steps forward.
I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through all these horrible experiences, but please reach out, nobody should ever stay in toxic relationships.
Always stand your ground, the time you step back and pull your feet backwards, someone else will step in and put theirs. Don’t let that ever happen.
I know how you feel @qwertie, I’m really in the same boat. Ever since the start of grade 7, I’ve tried hard to pull myself out of the negative posturing I had in grade 6 when I hardly got my homework done. I wasn’t your typical adolescent, but even since grade 3 certain aspects of schoolwork were difficult for me.
What makes me so difficult now is the fact that I’m still tied to events that happened in my past somewhat and I live a lot in my head, also. Part of it is my temperament, but I think maybe I’m trying to get attention from it. I keep telling myself “I’m getting too old for this” and I know I’m right. I could reach out to the right people, but I’m finding out that letting down my guard enough is harder than I thought it would be.
hey you need to get more therapy…if you don’t find comfort with a pdoc, you should try a meantl health course where you can meet like minded people…also you can try a mental halth club…here you’ll find like minded people and theres activites like art, health management and creative writing
sounds all too familiar to me if you know what i mean. been there.
at this point in my life, i am finding that pushing all those memories aside in order to continue with your life is really important. don’t let it paralyze you.
do things for yourself. you sound like a really nice person.
don’t give up on yourself.
judy
As much as j hate it, - therapy. Whether it be psychotherapy or talk therapy, or even group. Give it a try. It won’t hurt too bad. (
God bless honey
I remember the kids pulling desks away from me
Teacher trying trying to resolve
They said they’d never be friends with me again
It was a chapel
I left on Monday morning
Ok… so I can’t post a link… but you could google The Double Bind Theory and read about it and how some doctors have done research as to abuse being a cause of schizophrenia. I’m not a doctor… but perhaps when a person is predisposed to having schizophrenia but hasn’t developed it… abuse can cause it to come on and can certainly make the problem worse.