i watch ‘‘touched with fire’’ right now. a movie on two bipolar poets. but my illness is other. I even find myself complexing about being unproductive. I feel so stupid right now…all my thoughts are that ill never feel ‘‘normal’’. somebody told me once here that there are no social norms and codes but I think I believe in the opposite-that there are some codes and norms…is it the meds now who make me feel dumb or its me, how do you think? I really miss feeling the things also… the evenings are always harder for me, I ruminate a lot my fears about the future with this illness and feeling myself as a ■■■■… my ex boyfriend also told me that I am dumb, for him I hadn’t a problem. he thinks that my meds are killing me, yeah…
is it true that it can take months to feel your brain more active in a way,to feel more ‘‘sane’’?
keep going you all. my pdoc was telling me that my form of schizophrenia is softer than for others but I still cant open myself enough to life…
Yes. 
You can play brain games for mental exercise. Physical exercise for healthy brain too.
ok, thanks. here me again 
. I come here more rarely cause I try to complain less. I still hope that my illness is in a way a lack of reason. I was outside today but I felt only fear and anger 
… I suffered in the past also from all kind of fortune tellers who told to my mom just by a photo that I am sick. do I have a mystical fears? I think of it also, wow… probably I am the kind of schizophrenics who are too much on the side of believing in nothing wow…
hope someone will clairify me on all this here :). I keep going with my meds but I still see just some poor progress on it. although, I know already that without them I am much worse so I keep taking them ;).