today i went out with my mom. but i was feeling strange. its a cocktail of all. i was feeling transparent too. but i cant distinguish anymore if its the illness or meds… after the walk, i was a bit better i find. happy with me also that i went out. but gosh, i wanna live fully already, not like a creep. i dont enjoy things so yes, i am quite impatient after 2 decades to feel something good. 
ok, its a hard illness but there should be end of all this one day no? i want to feel, yeah… but my pdoc said in my back that its a tough illness. tbh, i am a bit fed up of everybody around me who say that ill never get better 
No, our illnesses make us a whole lot crazy. The meds make us a bit sane.
I have to have the med’s. The med’s made me lethargic, but not insane. Things can get better, Anna. They don’t always have to be this way.
ok, thanks crimby. I was just saying that I was feeling strange and I was wondering if my meds make me feel some strange sensations. its possible at the end isn’t it? they are strange pills in the end… but maybe its my illness, I am not sure… also, I have to stop saying to some people that I take meds. a lots of people are against them and in the past they even called me dumb for taking them…