He is awesome. We don’t see each other too much anymore, but we maintain communication. He has done and continuosly does a lot for me.
But he is very promiscuous. He is married but he has a lot of affairs, and we (their friends) are his confidents.
I know his wife, she is awesome aswell. A very good person, allthough very suspicious of my friend. It seems that she is constantly checking his phone.
I don’t approve his behaviour at all. Sometimes he’ll ask me the favor to cover him, wanting me to send him messages that we are going together somewhere to have a beer, when in reality… well you know. He will have an affair somewhere else.
I don’t like the idea of beeing accomplice of his “misdeeds”. On the other hand, it’s my best friend, it’s his life and I would gladly “take a bullet” for him.
Ugh. I would not want this fellow as a friend. If he will betray his wife he will betray you. And he is including you in his lies. The best thing you can do is run screaming in the other direction from him.
I agree with @anon82948922. He is extremely unkind and dishonest to his wife. He is also unkind to you. He uses you. He asks you to do things that you feel are bad, for his own superficial pleasure. And he uses the ladies he sleeps with, he uses everyone. That is unempathic, manipulative, egoistic.
To me personally - and I had trouble learning that - a good friend is not someone you make fun jokes with and go on adventures with. It is someone who is empathic, honest, altruistic. And does not use people.
I agree with this person not being a real friend. He’s a user and is very dishonest which means no one can trust him. Not even you.
My husband’s best friend started mistreating his wife. He’s all over her about dieting and exercising so she never gains weight even though she’s a size 2! She’s tiny! She’s never been overweight and her value shouldn’t be measured by her looks.
Anyway, my husband is now really uncomfortable talking to his best friend. He’s trying to think of what he wants to say and how he wants to say it to him. They’ve been besties for over 30 years but this attitude is ruining their friendship.
They haven’t spoken since we last hung out in December. His best friend’s wife suggested a few days ago in a group text that we all get together but my husband isn’t looking forward to the whole thing.
Mistreating your spouse, or anyone really, is totally unacceptable.
Yeah. I nowadays quit contact with people who have values like these. I used to be sweet to everyone…but I felt, that way, I was not sweet to myself. Or to the people they mistreated.
I can imagine it is hard to leave a very long-term friend though…hope a good talk helps.
I would be uncomfortable if my friend asked me to lie on their behalf and clearly you are uncomfortable because you brought this information to the Forum
You don’t easily dump a 30 year friend. But his behaviour seems unacceptable too. That is hard. I’d too feel torn. I hope he finds a way. Maybe a good talk can change his mind.
I think if he is really your friend he will understand if you have to tell him that you can no longer participate in the harmful behaviors he is propagating.
@anon21280033 Yeah. His friend was homeless and an alcoholic and so was his wife. His friend got a job, put his wife in rehab, and asked to come live with us. We let him live with us rent free for 2 years (he had to pay to do his own laundry, his own cable tv because we didn’t have it and he chipped in for the cost of making dinner). His wife lived in the rehab center for a year, and then a half house for another year.
Anyway, living with us rent free and working tons of hours enabled him to make and save tons of money. He now lives in a huge, magnificent home in a very well to do area. He’s also now sober. He seems to think his new lifestyle makes him above us. He goes to church every Wednesday and every Sunday. He’s involved in a ministry and church dedicated to helping addicts. All the sermons are specifically about sobriety.
I’m sober but my husband has a couple drinks every night. We don’t go to church anymore. We are disabled and poor. It just seems like he thinks he’s above us now, and he treats us differently. And now, he mistreats his wife too! It really sucks.
