My beef with online dating (RANT) [long post] {read if u dare}

Lounge
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Well I have many beefs with it. I think it is one of the worst things ever to happen to human social interaction. But this is what I think

When ppl do online dating it’s like they are shopping for the best person.

You try to get the best deal you can

You look at the price
The reviews
Specs
What it looks like
Etc…

It’s like there is a checklist for what you want.

If I had the confidence on online dating…in real life. I would have a date the first or second time I see a woman I like.

But

Ppl on online dating say “oh he’s got this, that, doesn’t have this, but at least he has this. Yes I’ll date him”

Then there is no human aspect to it.

There is no human correction. For example, people who are undateable at 15 years old because of traits, correct themselves and make themselves dateable when they are 25. At least I did.

While people who are dateable at 15, don’t get me wrong, they can be great, but there’s no need for them to make huge corrections in themselves. Okay changes is a better word. But I like the idea there is no “human correction”, keying in on the fact that we all are dateable at the end of the day, some just need to change themselves more than others. I guess some never change themselves because they don’t care much, but I definitely changed a lot for the better from ages 15-now and I’m definitely not alone in this.

But I don’t believe I qualify for the job of being dateable online

But irl I am easily dateable and attractive.

But by getting rejected online because I don’t fit the criteria for it, I end up having a damaged self-esteem and self-confidence and by logical sense I say to myself “if they don’t want me online, theres no way they would want me in person.” And it ruins my confidence and my prospectus for dating completely.

If I weren’t SZ, had a job, was more attractive…I could fit the online dating thing. But I have lived most my life SZ, most my life jobless, and most my life as attractive as I am…so I know what its like to be rejected and I have made changes in myself. I CANT change the fact I am sz. Its hard for me to change the fact I’m jobless. I can’t change how attractive I am. But I can change how caring, intelligent, independent, my social skills, etc…, etc…, personality things a lot easier than what these people in online dating are looking for. And its definitely not something you can see in a simple text message.

But like I said, these personality things don’t matter in online dating!!!

So since I don’t fit the checklist for online dating its a vicious cycle. Damaged self-esteem. Rejection. Is all I’m used to. Thanks to online dating. Really not knowing what girls would ever think of me at the end of the day!!! Really I have no clue because I’ve never gotten a date on POF, OKCUPID or Tinder or any of those stupid sites. I got 1 date on meetme but I didn’t think we had all that in common so I never called her for a second date. Although she did kiss me. This was in January I think she really liked me but she was kinda young for me (like 6 years younger which is a lot Imo). But thats besides the point. For the most part I don’t know what girls think of me besides the rejection I see on online dating because I don’t get checkmarks in the categories girls are “shopping” for online.

Im not blaming the women online, although many of them are blatantly shallow? Even the ones who aren’t shallow will not respond to me because they still see it like a checklist.

But instead, I’m blaming the idiots who created these stupid sites and ruined our society.

/Rant

It’s not easy being me in the world of dating. It’s weird too!!! Because I am great!! But I am at a total disadvantage in our world of dating in society in 2017. 50 years ago I probably would be out and about more and people would meet me and fall in love with me but not in our stupid virtual society which I am a slave too. ■■■■

Its just really stupid. I also believe I don’t have a soulmate, because no one is going to fall in love with me unless they’re forced to get to know me. Many people would fall in love with me if they were forced to get to know me, but I have yet to meet someone who WANTS to get to know me based upon an online dating profile or seeing me walking on the street.

Oh well. life.

Thanks for reading such a long post.

I apologize in advance, I don’t think this thread says anything controversial but I apologize in advance for any controversy I cause on this board.

And tell me if I’m wrong? Or right? Its okay if you disagree with me about the “checklist” thing but I really think people subconsciously do that. if you’ve ever seen craigslist personals they literally put a checklist for what they want in a man and it eliminates 99% and they stay single forever.

Yeah I’ve checked out craigslist personals before. No pride for that. All shame but its ok!

okay really /rant

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I’ve always been tempted to go on a dating website and create a “perfect” fake profile. And then go “Surprise!”

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Meeting people in real life is way better than an online dating site but that’s just my opinion.

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I wanted to create one for my cat and write under interests: food, birdies, chipmunks

and other funny stuff

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Obviously. But the online dating ruins my self-esteem for meeting women. I will never be cured of all that, to go along with all the rejection I faced when I was psychotic.

Which is why I resort to online dating because it feels safe. But its a dead end.

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@Goyankees If online dating ruins your self-esteem for meeting women then why are you going on those websites? Rejection is a part of meeting women for guys. You just said it yourself, “Its a dead end”.

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I know some guys who do that. They have their wicked way and then they are gone. I think the term is ■■■■ boys but lots of women go for it especially if the guy is ripped and young. Do I sound jealous? Maybe. I had no luck online dating. I don’t know if it because I am too honest or not attractive. I don’t believe you can get the true measure of someone from some photos and prose.

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I don’t go on them anymore but I’m still angry at them!!! I guess I’m more sensitive/have been rejected more than other people in that my self-esteem is too damaged to approach women in real life situations.

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Sorry I think I don’t understand your post completely. May I ask, are you a male or female? That may help me understand better :wink:

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@Goyankees Men are supposed to get rejected. It’s a fact of life. Women don’t get rejected because men are the initiators.

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Sorry I meant to reply to everhopefuls post.about guys who create the perfect but fake profile. I am male and straight. Not that it makes any difference. I bet it happens in the gay community too

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The last online dating site I was on, almost as soon as I created my account, I must have received like 30 or 40 chat requests, but these were from women from around the world; and no dates of course.

But, I agree with you @Goyankees, online dating can be rather superficial. And like I was telling @juandelbalde, some people these days, say romance is dead. It might surprise some people that if they “google” it, there are a lot of generally beautiful women who are single and lonely. The same could be said about handsome, lonely men, maybe.

As for myself, I think to some extent I’m “undateable”, as I’m really unemployable.

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I was rejected 1293988943892985982348923984983289 times during psychosis

Oh I forgot about those other 3 times

Don’t blame me for being too damaged I can’t fix it dude…

At least I had the balls back then but its a defense mechanism that I don’t wanna get rejected again

I also have PTSD I think that contributes to it too as it is an anxiety disorder.

Its basic psychology at the end of the day

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There was a study done that people have sex like 15-30 times less per year on average than 20 years ago.

Thats because much less relationships that lead to weekly sex.

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@Goyankees you see the ugly face of society.
What you are describing is the ugly face of society.
I recommend that you stay with Don Juan.
If you ever want a kid/kids I recommend that you do it through surrogacy and not marriage
and be a single parent.

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Even if someone wants a committed relationship, they place too much emphasis on looks and sometimes, even money!

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@Goyankees Yeah, as I’ve gotten older, I haven’t had the desire to approach women much. But maybe that comes with age and experience.

Basic behavioural psychology.

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I think even I’ve been guilty of that, as far as looks go!

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At the end of the day if I approach a woman in public and ask for her number she’s not gonna say “Whats your job by the way???” She’s probably gonna take that date if she likes my personality. And then she gets to know me, then she finds out my job, but she’s already in love with me, she can’t judge me based on not having a job now!!! I know this, but theres a mental block in my head that doesn’t allow me to pursue it. Im working on it with my therapist.

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@Goyankees do as you please but I am against pursuing partners.

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