so i’m sitting here in my flea pit of a room and i want to tidy it so badly but it’s like i’m paralysed against my will and can’t do it. not that i can’t move, i can make myself coffee and roll cigarettes, i can feed the dogs and let them out but just over the past two weeks i’ve let things slide in the house and the voices are more prevalent. it’s ok. i don’t believe them so i know i’m not losing my marbles, i’m just going downhill a little. can anyone relate? i’m not the tidyest person at the best of times but i don’t usually let my room get in such a state.
I get to that point. I do have help. I will get to the point where it feels so bad, I don’t know where to begin and it just feels like the task is too big. I’ve been working on this for about a year now. I’ll try and pick up one thing an hour for the day it kills me.
I have been very motivated by guilt and paranoia as well. When I used to let this go because my kid sister would then come in and clean the room from top to bottom all weekend and I sort of hate that because she’s my sister, not my maid, and I was always afraid of what she was uncovering in there… So in order to avoid this, I try and just do one thing. Just socks this hour. Or just hang up the one coat this hour. It helps knock the pile down little by little.
i’ve just cleared the floor and changed my bed just having a ■■■ break, then i’m going to hoover. i think it’s so bad because i’m due on too. maybe i just needed to vent. tomorrow i need to sweep and bleach all the floors and sides in the house, also sort out my cabinets in my room as they’re piled high with books and junk. need a bookcase. maybe i’ll take a trip to the dump and c if i can pick one up for a pittance. thanks for noticing i was struggling