Schizophrenia.com

More convo with voices

Im going to type a conversation again with the voices.

“Who are you?” i ask. “Satan.” They say.

“Why are you with me?” i ask. “It’s just what we do, like what people do, why do they do it, it’s just what they do.” They say.

“You own this place?” I ask. “Yes. It is ours right now and we do what we wish with it.” They say.

“Why don’t you do something good with it?” I ask. “Because we don’t fell like it, that isn’t what we enjoy, it’s mechanical really, we could try and do what you want with it but it wouldn’t feel good to us.” They say.

“You are lying about me being “one of them” aren’t you.” I ask. “I’ve heard of them before but that isn’t me, that much is obvious.” i say. “Wellllll deerrrrrr! Of course they are not “possessed/obsessed” people now are they!” “You though, you are like that man in that book, the legion guy out there wailing and cutting himself or whatever.” They say. “Those ones though that you are talking about, they are real, we can pin point them right now, you said you wanted to talk to them right, we can tell you where they are, could be a lie though right?” They say. “What if we just tricked you huh.?”

“You do know much though, you know many of our lies, that much is true. Somehow you were able to not believe us many times, we were really putting the pressure on to, surprising to say the least. Like when we told you we were going to torture you forever, you didn’t believe it, you were scared yeah and you were overwhelmed about the new situation and it was uncomfortable but you didn’t believe it though. You did think for a moment though “what if it’s true” but it’s not like it became a belief for you.” They said

“We do it all the time to, we act like people’s dead relatives or old dead people, we can even know about those dead people, where they lived and worked or whatever, it’s not hard to do, even people can do things like that. That is one of our oldest tricks, making people think there is an afterlife.” They said. “But no you are not one of them and you really should know that by now, the legion guy is just not one of them and that is obvious, no those people are going through completely different things right now. We even pay them visits sometimes, and of course we try and trick them and it never works, we really can’t get to those people at all.”

“Oh your little friend online.” They said in response to my thought, i was thinking about the guy who was magically healed after becoming a christian. “yeah, he joined us, so we left him be for the moment, that is all that that really was, good question. And yes sometimes we do cause the problem in order to fix it, it’s a scam, we make money and gain trust and followers, there you go.”

“I think you know why you look at the clock at those times don’t you.” I was thinking about my clock thing, same numbers over and over again. The convo has turned into me thinking and them responding to thoughts. “Well let’s break this down idiot, you see an alien after what appears to be having your mind blasted with all of kinds of stuff and you begin looking at the clock at the same times over and over again, and i know you’ve been messing around with the numbers to so you have an idea as to what those numbers really are, so you know dam well you aren’t sick at all. and yes we do mean to kill you, sorry but we completely mean to kill you, but like we said the other night we want you to do it to yourself.” They said.

“And you know that you will get the same in return?” I ask. “yes, we do. hard to understand? we’ll break it down for you, we are on one side of the fence right now, it’s mechanical remember, we cannot will anything diferent before our judgement, it’s not possible, because we have not done it ourselves, when we have the same happen to us we will think of it differently we really will, but right now we are on one side of the experience fence to say the least.” They say. “It simply is not a part of our experience right now, but post judgement it will be, and yes if you go through enough of your own stuff you think of it diferently.”

“It’s like a person who has had no experience with poverty, it’s on one side of the fence, the experience fence, when they experience what that is like they will think and know diferently about it you know, and thus can will different things having had that experience.” They say. “But until then it’s true, hard to believe yes, the being cannot do it differently, the being can even try to do it differently but it won’t hold, it just isn’t a part of them yet.”

“Oh well, i really wanted to be one of them to.” I say. “Yeah, well, you aren’t. You end up in the same place though, everyone eventually ends up there, it’s only a matter of time anyway, not to mention the only reason that you aren’t is simple logistics, he only needs a certain number for now. But don’t get it wrong, those people aren’t special at all, they are the same old people that have always lived, not different although they become different over time, and how different they really are, how odd would you look walking around understanding the nature of things anyway, you’d sound very strange to the others to say the least.” They say.

“And yes, it was a trick, that is obvious, thats what pisses us off about you mike, we actually want to tell you sometimes because you are so stupid, it’s really getting on our nerves, it’s like talking to no one you know, like we’ve been hanging out with a brick wall this entire thirteen year span. And when we do lie to you it makes no difference anyway because you are the fool, it just doesn’t ever work the way we want it to, see, we desire an end when we lie, we want something to happen when we do it, you even screw that up in your incredibly large idiocy, it’s sooooo annoying, so we get pissed off and just tell you.” They say.

“Im glad about that, the more i can piss you off the better.” I say. “Ahhhh shutup!” They said.

“We’re done and i think that you are also, for now, don’t worry there are plenty of pointless none life saving convos to share on here later, let’s go have a smoke.” They say. “I agree.” I say.

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I don’t like reading the Bible very much anymore due to this kind of thing, but don’t lose faith, if that’s important. I was dealing with the Legion thing too.

the whole psychotic break and God thing is not cool, but for whatever reason, it’s better to have faith and put the arguments in that reflection, than something without hope, you know?

Once you get to the point where you are having episodes that are bible related, it’s at least nice that the bible is helpful, as well. If it were related to something else, I don’t know what would be helpful.

I had a break recently, it sucked. Bad. I don’t want to talk about it very much, but I do want to point out that bible related hallucinations at least give hope, because the message of God was faith and love and hope and the son of God and salvation and all this, so that’s good.

not to say that a bible related hallucination can’t swing terribly and horribly the other way as well, so it’s kind of really annoying. I pretty much ripped through reality and everything was grey and I was falling eternally into oblivion and I was just supposed to hope that eventually I was going to land somewhere and it was going to be the right place.

It was just an overwhelming all powerful gray power and I had no body or anything. I was just falling. right before it happened I watched the devil and God arguing over what was going to happen to me and I was supposed to have some kind of influence over this, and I couldn’t even think let alone reason my immortal soul out reasonably. The devil flew off with two crows and my name was scribbled on some grave stone or something and it was floating away and I just sank into a gray oblivion. I ended up calling the cops during this time. It was freaking horrifying. My intestines were melting, the cops put me in the hospital, I was lying in a bed for awhile and I was acting like my iq was like 50, I was pretty gone. God opened up my heart and there was a caged bird and the whole world knew about my whole life after this was all gone, and years and years of the future flew by, and if you have the disorder, you can probably understand how it’s more information the brain is really able to comprehend, and the feelings behind it are overwhelmingly terrible.

God was pretty much showing me to be worthless and not able to be saved. I don’t even want to get into it.

I’ve been pretty cognizant of the fact that I’ve had to at least feel like I’ve known the future for the past year, even writing this, so I know what to write, because eternity is after all this is done, so nothing’s hidden, or whatever. That’s pretty much the gist of a lot of biblical writing.

That’s beyond terror at that point. Things are going much better since then. I think when you deal with something that’s way beyond the power of anything on earth, you just stop really… I don’t know, it’s because the disorder makes you experience it. More than a thought, it makes the full on experience. It was not fun in the hospital, but I got back out and I’m doing better. Happy for medication. I had not been able to get it for awhile.

I think the thing is that the Devil, or the “evil” side of things want to convince you that you’re not saved or that you’re not in God’s favor, the human side can’t really deal with it, and does a bad job about it, and the God/Jesus-y side is stronger than all of that. The oracles state that God was largely difficult to understand.

Lesson: Don’t worry about your immortal soul.

Lol, sit under a tree next to a rock in the Eternal Universe (the one that doesn’t end and if the bible is supposed to be true, the one that actually exists or whatever) and then also be schizophrenic and then yeah. You get the idea. This disorder is expletive.