At night my dad and Mom often fight and by fight I mean my dad flips out over some random thing like my mom glanced briefly at her phone and he proceeds to scream curse her out and throw things around. I of course don’t like being a part of this and feel awkward enough having my room right outside of the family room where it happens. My mom decided that she is a big baby and is too scared to take our puppy out at night because “it’s dark and she could lose her”. Because of this she has been dragging me out in the middle of their huge fights every single night to take the dog out and put her to bed. (I just use my phone as a flashlight, not a big deal)
Today I was stuck outside in the yard in the dark while my dad cursed and threw stuff. That is unacceptable. I do not deserve to be pulled into their marital problems. I told her she needs to suck it up and put the dog to bed herself because I am not dealing with that. So incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like I am the bigger adult than my parents sometimes. When I got inside my dad said hey as if nothing had happened.
At the same time I’m repressing the knowledge that my Dad is emotionally abusive to my mom and has been my whole life and the guilt I feel that I am kicking a dog while it’s down by snapping at her right after she’s gone through that.
I’ve had to be prepared my whole life to call the police should my dad ever become physically violent with anyone in the house but it has thankfully never happened. We’ve come very very close before. It would be a disaster if we had to because he is the sole breadwinner for our family and our lives would fall apart without him.
I love my dad despite it all (didn’t always) and know he has some amazing good qualities, but I also freely acknowledge that a side of him is an abusive ■■■■■■■ I don’t want in my life, and honestly if my family wasn’t financially dependent on him I would be doing everything in my power to encourage my mom to get a divorce & find a healthier relationship.
Sometimes I wonder if she already wants to sometimes but jusf feels trapped.