anyone else here, though a nice person, have (or have had) the unhappy experience of not feeling their love warmth and their joy? You know you like and love friends and family; you treat others benevolently or at least benign; yet runaway past fears and depression, torments from mean voices and images, people hurts, maybe all causing PTSD - have shut down your positive emotional ableness?
The newer anti-psychotics tried in 90’s were bad LSD-like to me. Anti-depressants then and recently are too agitating. Mood stabilizers made me flat and suicidal when I wasn’t before trying them. SOOO I am “treatment resistant” as they say. I take ativan (lorazepam) and a little stelazine (trifluerperozide) (old med) and for the last 7 weeks have, after testing with the “Walsh Protocols” I take tons of vitamins and minerals intended to fix my brain chemistry and thus heal my brain. I am also under consideration for TMS (Trans cranial stimulation) BUT that Dr wants to make sure (by talking with all my references) that for me, unlike the usual patient, he does no harm.
I so want to FEEL my love for life . I can and do do good yet feeling well being and joy is but an as-if pleasant numb.
I wish you ALL “Life and Life with Abundance” by the Grace of God. Me too. I am now 67 yrs old and have missed out long enough.
I have negative symptoms which make it hard to feel involved in life. Sometimes I have that lack of caring emotion towards my family, but they can also be rather uncaring in return. If i took more pleasure in life im sure i would be more joyful caring and interested in other people. As a schizophrenic im just trying to survive. Sz makes me feel bad qbout myself which ends in a vicious cycle where I don’t care about others. If the sz backed off im sure i would be more caring, like i was before this all set in.
Hi Eduvigis.I suggest being kind and sympathetic to yourself. a therapist helped me with that years ago. Sz is a big challenge but we don’t have to define ourselves by our illness. Hopefully, despite the misery of sz symptoms, we can take an attitude of (intended) love - even if we aren’t feeling well - and approach life as best we can with that attitude. Hopefully, not giving sz symptoms as much power over us … working towards being more the survivor consciousness than the victim consciousness. And I know it ain’t easy. I wish you wellness!
Its tough to maintain the survivors consciousness when sz manifests itself again and again. This happens to me and it is very jarring and unpleasant. It makes me think that perhaps recovery is only achieved by a few fortunate people. The rest of us have to suffer in silence. All i want is to be able to feel again, not this watered down drugged up version of it but real feeling. Real interest, real passion, real pleasure. But i have been deprived of this and it seems that that is how many of us will persist, deprived of our love. Deprived of our humanity.
Yes unfortunately. I have many people in my life who love me deeply. But for some reason this does not fill the hole inside me, perhaps because I can’t actually FEEL their love like I feel nonphysical entities’…
My therapist has told me that I don’t know how to be happy. But I don’t think that’s so…I am happy whenever I am not in pain…I just don’t trust that happiness and am painfully aware of how transient it is likely to be…
For those of us here who have heavy load of negative symptoms to carry around, what you’ve said is true. The 24/7 absence of being perpetually ‘there’ is the complicated part of this. The gradual loss of our personality during our late teens was largely unnoticed by us. Before we knew it ‘we’ were not the same. How can we be brought back to a former health? The drugs fail to give us the justice we seek. Our friends cannot help us. The doctors don’t have the answer either. It is all about survival as far as I can see.
Expect nothing, if anything good happens it will seem twice as nice