I am constantly replaying events and conversations in my head. As far the conversations go, I often mouth or whisper my part.
For some odd reason, the happenings and conversations that play out over and over again come from my manic times.
My year of med school (2002-2003 academic year) and my first semester of grad school (Fall 2005) are by far the most prominent; I would go so far as to say I am haunted by it. I can’t block this crap out of my head, no matter what I do.
When it comes to that semester of grad school, I mostly am haunted by memories of teaching, of conversations I had with my students. I remember them so vividly.
I mean, ffs it’s been over a decade and it still replays in my head for much of the day, every day.
This ■■■■ drives me crazy sometimes; I hate it.
For my fellow schizoaffectives (bipolar type), and for the bipolars on the forum, do you have a similar problem?
I have had a similar experience. For many years I could not get over my wife leaving me. I replayed it over and over in my head and couldn’t seem to let it go. It took way longer than it should have to get over it, like many years longer. I remembered things we did and said and it was constantly going through my mind. It wasn’t so much a manic thing as just something that I continually thought about and replayed in my head.
In my case, though, it’s mostly just insignificant conversations.
It’s not something major that I couldn’t get over.
Those conversations just play in my head over and over again, like I had said, most of the day, every day. I just wish I could shut it out, but it’s like I have no control over it. It just drives me crazy sometimes.
That happens to me. Not so much now that I’ve been on decent meds. Before AP’s, though, I would have obsessive thoughts that would lead to major delusions or that were fueled by delusions. I’d think about the same thing all day long and couldn’t stop it. It would get so out of control. I hate having thoughts I can’t control. My mind would do it’s own thing no matter how hard I tried to control it.
Are you wishing you could change things? That’s the only reason I ever do that. I’m usually worried about the future, treating the past almost as if it doesn’t exist.
You might give meditation a try but be carfull because it can bring up positives symtoms to light even if it helps with negatives, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, rumination, ovethinking, it can make positives worse in some people…
There are study saying it helps with sz and study saying it doesn’t help.
I’ve tried it for two weeks and it made wonders until I felt so good that I thought I was normal and everyone was crazy so I quit meds. Now I don’t practice but I might again in the future.
I don’t regret doing it even if it causes me to quit meds.
I remember being on Zyprexa and gaining over 50 lbs and being disgusted by my weight and overeating. So, I quit the Zyprexa on my own and promptly went manic. I laughed nonstop all night long and into the next day and all that week. I was scaring the hell out of people. So, I went to the ER and the pdoc put me on Risperdal and that was the end of my troubles.
Yep, this sounds very familiar to me, even the talking bits of conversations out loud part, I do this a lot. I suffer a great deal with obsessive thoughts centred around the stupid stuff I’ve said and done while manic, I could really do with a break from the constant self torture. My psychiatrist told me that this is very common in people with mood disorders.
