Megalomania

I have discovered that I must be a megalomaniac. I see visions of great men like Einstein or JFK. Buddhism tells me to not identify with my thinking.

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Grandiosity is a positive symptom of sz.
I thought I was Jesus, God and the next Hitler when unmedicated.

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I thought I was a God, the next steve jobs, and maybe was going to be a billionaire. This was 10 years ago when I smoked pot. I even remember thinking I was targeted because I was going to be the next steve jobs lol. I guess I thought I was a creative genius. I thought God was talking to me.

I wanted to be a rich investment banker working in sf and then eventually wall street. My mom said I was obsessed and wanted to be Gordon Gekko from the famous “Wall Street” movie…

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I thought i was going to be flown to Europe with Muhammad Ali and address the United Nations. I even prepared the start of a speech…

“Ladies and jellybeans of Earth! You may be the 3rd planet from the Sun, but you’re still number one in my heart!!”

(Then I was just going to wing it from there)

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Megalomania …

I mean, if you trust the random whims of the public within a certain, reasonable legal framework, you don’t have to lord over people so much. Just let them do their thing. Might want to break up monopolies though. Public and private. Otherwise it gets corrupt.

I think I am the greatest Buddha of this era, a great prophet of old testament etc

When I was Catholic I heard a voice that said I was a saint. I believed I had to write this book about the crucifixion and trinity and that it was a special mission entrusted to me.

In my teens my Pentecostal mom said I would be a prophet of the church when I grew up.

I remember all I wanted was to be normal but when I was Catholic I aimed for the sainthood.

I used to practise excessive penances to suffer with Christ. Like I’d put a crown of thorns on my head and drink vinegar and lash my back every Friday.

This was in my remission phase but looking back in think it was symptoms of my sza.

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I’ve had thousands of delusions because of intense irrational thoughts and past life memories. Too traumatic to go through. One was being a catholic Saint too. I try to be an evangelical now, but I’m a mild religious guy.

I have so many it borderlines crazy. Even a schizophrenic would have a hard time believing. So many…

A funny one is I thought the catholic church or Vatican hated me for talking and discovering simulation theory, which changed the world and peoples beliefs and sanity. A lot like Socrates, copernicus, and Galileo. That was a long time ago. I tried being catholic a few times, but was forced and made to be a evangelical and conservative with traditional cultural values by many forces and beings.

I think I’m psychic. I seriously think I can see and predict the future wth high accuracy. I can prove it too, but i get scared. A lot of it has to do with world events and technological breakthroughs. Maybe ill show or prove it someday.

My biggest interest, desire, and focus in life is to make money.

I once thought I was a African tribal leader and I was supposed to steal helicopters from the US to fight against invaders. This only lasted a little bit, but it felt so real. I truly felt like I was another person.

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I once had memories of being tortured by old testament God or Zeus. Like I lived in a simulation. I felt like Cassandra from ancient history, despite being male, whivh is why I can see the future but get ignored, which might be a great thing. I escaped the simulation a few times.

Just crazy stuff pops into my head and I instantly believe them as past life memories.

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A true prophet in line with scripture isn’t a job anybody should want. Today’s Christian “prophet” is an “elite” position. It’s a position of a prideful man. Ask Jeremiah if he liked being a prophet. Ask Elijah. These guys had problems nobody should want.

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My mom was a bit excessively religious. I sometimes wonder if she had sz symptoms although she was normal functioning.

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A true prophet would be schizophrenic and institutionalized.

There are supposedly 144000 prophets. I believe these to be holy men of great reach and influence, not publically proclaiming to be prophets. Just seems so fundamentally wrong to self proclaim that.

Everyone has different opinions and beliefs. I solely believe in the Bible, whether it’s part of my programming or not. I still struggle with understanding how I escaped the simulation and helped run it besides “aliens”. “Why me?” comes to mind mind a lot. There’s fact and reality and then there is superstition. When I escaped and the “aliens” told me Christianity is true inside the simulation (brain in a vat) and outside the simulation it’s false. It really screwed with me and still does. I don’t know why they chose me or what makes me so special. I believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible, mainly out of fear of being tortured again. I believe magic powers exist and ordinary people can become special and have gifts or be embuede with prophecy. But I only believe in prophets from the old and new testament.

I just feel like I’m in a time loop and reality repeats a lot. I can prove it, but I’m worried that my predictions are too much for some people. I feel like talking though. Perhaps a little today. I just don’t understand why reality has to be this way. It’s cruel. I remember being in another world or reality before 2011ish. Stranger Things would call this the ‘Upside Down’ or some crap lol. I also experienced tremendous consciousness transfer, time travel, etc. I guess nobody believes me. I cannot make any money which sucks, and I think I was given or infected with schizophrenia deliberately. I don’t know how I could have been infected unless it was destiny or fate since I sincerely and strongly believe it’s caused by the Norovirus when I was a child (In my case. I cannot speak for everyone). If I’m wrong, nobody will take me serious, won’t notice, won’t care, and continue their lives and I will continue my living under the ‘title’ schizophrenic.

If I’m right, there’s a potential I will be viewed as a time traveler and perhaps make millions off generous donations lol. I do see the future all the time. I just fear for my life. If viewed as a time traveler (a real one) my safety might be put in danger.

I’ll probably get this deleted but I wrote a book called “Jesus was schizophrenic and so am I” and published it through amazon kindle. The first one sold in the UK it’s only $2.99 but if you message me I’ll send anyone a free copy.

Schizophrenia is scary but can be so beautiful too

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I wonder if anyone on here made serious money from their books…

Not yet. I’ve only sold five.

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The first book is free to publish though

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I feel like I’d have to make like $200-300 a month to be satisfied with writing a book or a few grand a year. At least for some time. I also worry about copyright infringement since people can just copy and upload/torrent a book and steal one’s work.

I don’t even know if mine would be profitable or even worth it for money and my mental health. I get paranoid and scared a lot. I feel like I could write many books or hundreds of pages, yet I lack the intelligence and skill to even write one novella. It’s hit or miss.

I think a hardcopy book would be smarter in my case. I also worry about big business censorship and crap like that.

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