Sometimes I just get tired of dealing with side effects. I tried Prazosin last night and it made my blood pressure all wonky and I became woozy until just now pretty much and it would make my vision go black if I stood up even slightly too fast. I had a somewhat stressful dream but it wasn’t a horrific nightmare so that’s good. My pdoc says it’s ok for me to take the Ativan as needed now but she wants me not to take it at night so we can see if the Prazosin will be effective on its own for treatment…but if it’s gonna continuously make me feel sick because of blood pressure I don’t think I want to be on it long term…but my other option is a sedative and I hate sedatives because they mess up my sleep.
I think Abilify has stopped giving me side effects except the hunger which I’m managing with my vitamins. Still I just get so tired of it all. When the meds make you feel normal then all you can think about is how the only obnoxious thing you’re experiencing is the side effects and you just want to quit…but I can’t quit, because I NEED to stop these tactile hallucinations, and the paranoia and the demons. Those things HAVE to go if I’m going to make progress into living a fear-free life. Antidepressants alone were wonderful but the bad side of the psychosis still set me back and it doesn’t matter how high my antidepressant dose is, I’m going to get depressed if I’m having hallucinations of being molested at night. It needs to stop. I have to remind myself that the side effects will be worth the end result.