Maybe idea not sz?


What is it’s not actually schizophrenia? Maybe I’m only psychotic from the PTSD? Is that possible? It wouldn’t explain everything but maybe. I don’t know. I’m really confused lately. He was there, but maybe he wantwasn’t actually? Maybe he was? What if I made it all up because of the PTSD? It seems a really big coincidence that he would be there after I was already ■■■■■■ up like that yesterday. Or maybe someone put him up to it? I’m too gross for that now. It couldn’t have been real, right? And yet it was? Maybe? That’s a lot to go won’t all at once like that. But I’m done? Maybe?

I’m so confused. None of this makes sense to me. My clinician is making it worse. She wants me to normal, but writing it all down and reliving how awful it all was only makes it feel real again. But maybe that’s what she wants? She stopped talking to me. I don’t know if she’s busy or angry or just ■■■■■■■ with me. I can never tell. I’ve always suspected she was a fan of mind games.

I need to see my pdoc but he’s only in the office on Wednesdays. I need to reschedule my appointment. But then what’s the point. He’ll probably just talk really fast and confuses me more because I’m so done now because if all these meds. What if they needs are the ornaments. I didn’t look at the vial before the nurse gave me my shot last time. Foolish. I’ve become so complacent and careless. No wonder my life is falling apart.

But could it just be PTSD? Maybe I don’t need these APs after all. They’re just making me dumb for not reason.

Hopefully this makes sense. I’m really confused. I’m sorry.


You don’t sound well. You should do as you suggested and make an appointment for Wednesday if you can.


Dear @LED it can be a PTSD and yet schizophrenia, I’m sz because of some trauma, don’t stop your ap, your thoughts are racing, try to calm down yourself, you can not cure yourself by just reasoning,
I’m ready to talk if you want


I think I will. But I don’t really see the point. What can he do? I can’t afford to go back into hospital.


Thank you. You’re very kind.


I know the feeling. But maybe they’ll have some insight or idea. You sound in distress and should let them know.


I tried to talk to my clinician but she made it worse. She started talking about my daughter dying and now that’s stressing me out on top of everything else.


I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad, @LED.

Does it really matter if its PTSD or schizophrenia?

Your symptoms are what matters.

Why the hell was your clinician talking about your daughter dying?


I’d ignore the clinician and go ahead and make an appointment for Wednesday if you can.


They suspect I might have PTSD from when she stopped breathing and went blue when she was little and that’s why I can’t let her sleep on her own and my clinician was asking if I was still having anxiety about that even though it had nothing to do with what we were talking about so it just kind if felt like she was throwing it in my face.


If it’s just PTSD maybe I don’t need to be on APs. Maybe there’s a better treatment.


You need the APs.

Remember how much better you felt when you got on the Haldol injection?

I think you’re just really confused right now and need some help.

You should get an appointment for tomorrow with your pdoc and tell him about this.

As far as the PTSD and your daughter goes, that’s terrifying.

I’d be scared too.


I hope you start feeling better @LED. You definitely don’t sound like yourself. Make that appointment girl. You can do it!


Someone is knocking on my door and I don’t know who it is it is it’s real. And the way the doors are here it could even be nextdoor and I may not realize it because our doors are so close. ■■■■. My anxiety over this is making me feel really bad and confused. I can’t trust myself or my senses. I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I hate this feeling.


Is your husband at work? Or in the home?


He’s at work. He’ll be home for lunch in a few hours.


Call or text him now please. Tell him he needs to take off for the rest of the day. I do this when I get bad with symptoms. I am extra cautious of taking care of my daughter at those times.


He can’t take off. I asked him this morning.


■■■■. I am sorry. Just keep talking to us. Do you still hear someone knocking?


No, it was just that once. I hear people knock a lot. That’s why I can never trust it