Why do you guys do ?
I forget every thing that needs to keep me burning inside.
I have lost the zeal.
While meditation I try to burn myself brighter but its only anger that pops first, and bring my self at peace by talking to self, its hard doing it alone.
I tried to talk to my close ones they just got up and left the room. I was like what ?
That is why a space like this is so great. I will hear you whenever you wish.
Thanks guys for hearing me out.
I think only because I performed few years,
All expects me to do the same, as you all know how hard it is to get the balance right.
Even then I am gonna try, and will stop talking of the conditions at home.
I am so thankfull for a forum as such, I think am getting over some fears.
By making peace with self , can be a huge leap for me.
How are you doing @egofree ?
Hey @An_the-c-ology ,
I am doing good. Thanks. This forum is helping me out a lot too. It is a great pleasure for me to be in touch with all you guys and be able to somehow help as well as get help too and be listened and comprehended.
Hmm im not sure i am capable of understanding your situation, but if your primary concern is reigniting your zeal, your first step is going to be prolonged fasting. Not prolonged in the sense of not eating for days because those kinds of practises are reserved for those who are rather spiritually advanced, but simply and humbly reducing the amount of food taken per day. And doing that long term.
After acceptance of the truth, i believe and have read that fasting is the first step to achieving any virtue so it would be the first step that needs to be taken regardless.
But it seema that zeal might be opposed to sloth. Zeal being having a great desire and willingness to do what is right, and sloth being ‘refusing or an unwillingness to do that which is right, or attend to ones responsibilities.’
The order in which the vices are eliminated in a person are:
Gluttony, lust, greed, anger, sloth, envy, pride.
So if it is indeed a spirtual sloth thats stealing your zeal, it may be that your anger is draining all your energy, that anger being fueled by greed (aka a desire or feeling ofentitlement to things) and so on… all being fueled by gluttony🍎
Im not accusing you of anything because we all have these struggles, me worse than anyone. But if youre looking for a remedy this should be it. And although zeal wont reach its fullness until the other vices are conquered, you will see some improvement in the latter virtues from the improvement of the first ones.
That is you should see a small improvment in zeal short term, and it will definatley lead to fully aquiring it down the road.
I have cut short on food intake,
I have made my plate size small.
And currently have curd and rice alone.
Due to my chest burns which has been reduced.
Also started to split my meds.
Morning noon and night.
Wow i see hmm, well im glad to hear that. Only thing i would say then is to persevere in that (not the med cutting, maybe you should take full meds). But the barriers to what you want remain the same i think. Its quite possible the anger of the people around you that you described is affecting you and tempting you to anger, until you feel drained and less zealous.
As they say we become like those around us. Therefore i think more solitude, would help. Also song singing. Those address anger.
Some activities that address sloth, lack of zeal or sadness directly are:
1 → I do it with out fail
2 → currently not doing
3 → Still pondering on it
4 → not doing, but I do it here
5 → its hard to weep multiple emotions fill up. But yeah two days back shed few tears.
By the way you got good insights on things,
how are you doing @POET ,
hoping all is well?
Hey thank you, yes all is well. Summer is on the way so im very happy. Sorry just a side note, i think anger also has to do with the rememberance of evil that has been done to you. So i think forgiving immediately and forgetting any wrong done immediately rather than ruminating on it is also key if it indeed anger youre experiencing. Practicing gratitude (recalling to mind the good done to you), and wishing good things toward others.
Anyways yes im doing well just getting my day started, walking right now. How about you? How are you doing otherwise?
Some people did me wrong, but i refused to have thoughts of revenge. But when something bad happens to them i feel better and think " that it is justice". I try to forgive and forget about the bad stuff. Without limits.
When I took lsd I had taken one and then I asked a guy, do you think it is safe to take a second one? It obviously wasn’t. I had no experience with lsd. It was very reckless of me to take lsd like that. Then the guy knowing it was bad he said to me: ‘It is fine. You can take it. Take it.’ so I took and that started my first psychotic ephisode. Another one seeing that I was already fuc…ed up made a 50g marijuana joint and gave to me. I was already pshycotic so I smoked trying to run away from pshycosis which was absolutely new to me. So these 2 guys I get their news from other contacts and I sincerely hope they get fuc…ed. They both made bad decisions in their lives since then. I don’t forgive or forget. I am waiting on justice over these 2 and I am sure I will get it. They are already kind of ■■■■…d up. I will just accompany their fall with maximum pleasure. I am not a vengeous person but these two tried to really fuc… me up big time intentionally and I had being a good friend to both.
I am ok, other than my left hand is in pain,
I have crepeband on it,
I had done some heavy lifting which started of the pain in the joint,
which is acting on now and then,
By the way wanted to know,
can I use humility as a driving force to achieve something.
Unfortunately I forget what people said to hurt me.
Because for the zeal, I relay on humility and say to self prove your worth.
Being humble helps. What I do is never hate. Never hate anything no matter how it seemed to be. I take everything as a lesson as if a superior force is trying to teach me something instead of grabbing to my ego and getting angry and hating. Being humble and giving little importance to ego and really understanding things are not what they seem, there is always a bigger lesson being passed. Never hate. Don’t take things personally because your ego tells you to. Try to learn the lesson. I figured like is like quick sand. Don’t fight it. Take the lessons.
You been through tough times, and still you choose to be humble.
good going @egofree
Great one @anon53623539
Yes ofcourse! Humility is the 7th virtue on the ladder. Its the opposite of pride and the virtue to which all those previous mentioned lead to.
It, ironically enough, is also in some ways the very first step. Because its pride that leads to gluttony in the first place. When we are eating for example our bodies and conscience will at some point inform us that weve had enough food and that it is time to stop eating. Gluttont is when we say to our concience and body, and the truth theyre attesting to “No! Ill eat as much as i want. What my concience is telling me is not the truth. What i say is the truth! And i will determine how much i will eat and what i will do” which is a denial of the truth in order to feed the sort of inordinate desire for food humanity has been plagued with.
Thats the epitome of pride. To see the truth plainly before your eyes, and say “No you are not the truth. I determine the truth! What i say is the truth.” And attempt to ignore it.
Therefore its pride that leads to gluttiny in the first place. Then lust, then greed, anger, sloth, envy, then pride again leading glutton again.
So in many ways humility is the first and last action involved in attaining virtue. It begins with accepting the truth, and ends with the fullest acceptance of the truth. And acceptance of the truth makes us loving people which is the ultimate goal.
You seem like a very humble person, i struggle with pride alot.
Wow you know a lot, I faintly remember, was it you who said you doing a course of philosophy?
Thank you for your kind words but i know very little. Hmm i did a bit of philosophy but never got a degree. I dropped out of university. I read theology books though, and philosophy as well. God bless! 
