Magical thinking

I’ve been playing a mental game with myself for the past month or two. I try to come up with a memory that I’ve never remembered before, and if I can, I’ll be okay, but if I can’t something bad will happen. I don’t know why I started doing it, but it’s consuming a lot of my free time.

Memories have been drifting up for me… unexpectedly… little glimpses of things that seem too small… too real… too benign and logical to be a false memory… a delusion… or psychosis.

I don’t try for them… they come up like a long buried secret and reveal themselves when I least expect it.

It used to upset me greatly, but I’m beginning to see it as my mind trying to heal.

With that healing… the real past… not my drug induced past, not my drunken past is starting to surface and wash up on shore.

some of it pretty and some not… This has also been making me ponder long and hard.


sounds a bit ocd to me…nothing is going to happen to you if you don’t remember a memory.
i am less ocd these days, much less, so i know what it feels like.
stop torturing yourself with this it is a bad pattern to get into, distract your mind.
take care


It’s just a little mind quirk you’re brain invented for some reason. Some things have been popping up from the past lately for me. For example I had almost completely forgotten that when I was 16 my friend would steal his older brothers car keys while he slept and we would go out taking turns driving around town in his Chevy Vega. Then we would sneak back and replace the keys.The brother never found out . If he would have caught us…well I don’t know…But I had completely forgot about that until a couple days ago.