Long term writers block and your habits?

Hello friends,

I have created a secret e-mail account in the beginning of 2011. This account was created to function as an online journal, as I would only use it to write to myself like any other journal. I have just logged into it today and without reading any of the entries, I have just looked at the dates that these entries were written. Three entries were written in 2014, four were written in 2013, whereas heaps and heaps of entries were written in 2012 and 2011. Now, this is interesting because in 2012 I was first put on psychotropic medication. As I now read some of these writings, it has become evident that I had much more to say when I was not medicated. The length and frequency of entries while being on meds is very short and not too often.

Anyways, I am reluctant to start an entry for 2015. I am off meds. Shouldn’t I want to write again if the meds were causing me to have writers block? Is it even the meds? I haven’t read much of the writings so far, but they seem to be mostly focused on things I am worried about, have anxiety over, feeling too manic, depressed, psychotic, etc. But what about now? I am manic. Right now. But no feeling to write?

Okay, I think I’m all over the place with this topic. I just wanted to vent. But what I would like to know from you is if you have ever kept a journal, has it always been consistent? Do you force yourself to write even if you’re stable, even if you have absolutely nothing to say? Or do you go periods of time without writing? Why do you think you neglect to write for some time? How do you get back into it?

I’m sorry for asking so many questions, and if this seems all over the place, It seems as if I had so much to talk about, was using complex words (that I have no idea what they mean nowadays!), and had such a great sense of humor, what happened? I feel like the answer should be obvious, and I keep rambling on about this, sorry.

But please do share your experiences if you have any. Sorry this is so long when it could have been expressed in probably a few sentences.

Thank you and take care!

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Ello yakdip. I used to write a lot about this and that back before I got sick. I don’t know if it’s the effect of the meds or just having psychotic features in my runtime that have kept me from putting pen to paper. Really I just feel uninspired and have nothing to write about. I used to be able to imagine other worlds and other societies and I would use them as a setting for science fiction. Those days seem to be in my past. Maybe it’ll come back to me in a couple of years. Right now I’m totally obsessed with recovery, have to eliminate these symptoms and delusions before my mind might feel like wandering around and imagining things.

I’ve journaled off and on but nothing ever consistently.

Well hope your writers block goes away and you feel inspired again. If you don’t don’t feel to guilty, you can always try reading instead.

I find it very difficult to write anything I’m happy with. I’d like my writing to change the world that means it has to be good, really good, far better than I’m capable of at this time.

Again good luck.

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I would say keep up with it.
There will always be days where you have nothing to write.
Thats ok. Write when youre inspired. You could even just write, “I have nothing to say today”.
One day you`ll look back at these journals and be glad you wrote your life down.

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Thank you BryanAshley,

I hope you as well can get back to writing. When I read your posts I think you are a very good writer just based on the advice you give and experiences you share. I have the same problem as you in that I am almost never satisfied with most things I write. I am going to try to write again tomorrow or so. Thank you Bryan, good luck with your recovery!

Thank you bridgecomet,

I have just thought of a good reason why me and possible other people could not feel too inspired to write. When a person has therapy and case management both every week, that in itself can feel like writing a journal entry. But why then would someone not want to reflect on the sessions? Sorry, what I just wrote is kind of irrelevant to what you posted. But thank you for the advice! You’re right about being glad you wrote your life down, very true.

Thanks and take care!

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I’ve tried keeping journals in the past, I’ve started yet a new one and set a goal to keep it going all year. I’m tired of wasting my money buying them though because deep down I have my doubts that I’ll finish it. So I decided to create one using MS word. I already own the program, and just created a new document and am treating it like a journal. I think the problem is my life doesn’t change much and I get bored with jotting down mindless thoughts. I also hate my own handwriting, I think it’s very sloppy and at times hard to read…(kind of ironic since my whole life I’ve dreamed of being a writer, at least we’re not judged on ability to hand write anything, thanks to word processors and the computer).

I bought a book last year as part of my new years resolution to keep the journal going all year…some writing ideas to keep things fresh and interesting. It’s called 365 Journal writing idea’s by Rossi Fox. Haven’t gotten around to using it yet…I’m bad at new years resolutions…but I have been doing more journal entries on personal issues though so whatever.

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Thank you sohare1981,

I think you have a good idea by writing with MS word. It’s much easier to get thoughts out as soon as they arrive in your head instead of lagging behind because you’re writing something you thought of at least several minutes ago and you have now thought of five more things to say but can’t write them out and in turn forget what you were going to say, which leads to becoming stagnant perhaps.

I hope you can get back into the habit and be happy with your writing. Maybe that book will help you. I can relate to the problem you have with feeling like your life doesn’t change much. All I do is stuff my mind with science and news, and no time to get out and experience life for myself.

Well good luck to you sohare, take care!

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I have more of a problem critiquing my own work. Nothing I write ever seems good enough to be kept. I’m probably my own worst critic.

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That’s just how it is. Although I’ve heard some ■■■■ throughout my life that was just like damn, that’s the most perfect use of the English language I’ve ever heard. Carl Sagan wrote a lot of good stuff.

I write in my journal every morning. It’s a stream of consciousness. I say bad things to myself when I don’t like what I am thinking, and sometimes it’s a little paranoid, thinking that someone else is reading it, in which I address the reader, which makes sense, I write it right when I wake up and eat breakfast and take my morning meds- thing is, morning meds haven’t kicked in when I write it, so it’s a little cloudy, I have some of what J calls “the head circus” going on when I write in it. It’s usually about what I have been up to, what I think of what I have been up to, and sometimes a long stream of consciousness, like asking myself why I am doing what I do, also includes reports of my dreams. I printed off a few days of it for my shrink to read and he read the most delusional parts of it back to me. I sometimes just write a very brief “nothing is happening, I am on winter break” or I write an essay on why I am taking the GRE.

I am writing a science fiction book, it’s 180 pages so far. I have had major writer’s block, I know how I want it to end, but I can’t figure out good dialogue for the next chapter (it’s about schizophrenics in the future, to say the very least and be vague). I like to develop characters and incorporate psychology crap into it, I’m studying psychology in school. I often brainstorm for a week and then write on the weekend, but I haven’t touched it in a month. I have been studying for the GRE (fuck math) and been spending a lot of time with friends and family other than that, all of my high school friends have been in town for winter break so that’s kept me out of the house a lot of nights in the past month, and kept my mind from wandering into creativity.

I took the DISC inventory when I was a sophomore for a personality psychology class and came up as “creative” according to my results- the professor asked if anyone in the room got it, and I said I did, he said it is very rare and seemed to insinuate that it is desirable. Very high scores on D and C, very low on I and S.

Now the MMPI-2. According to that, I am a traumatized veteran, been divorced three times, am somewhat of a psychopath (psychopathic tendencies), have an addictive personality and have severe paranoid schizophrenia. Half of that is true.

The MBTI- according to that, I’m a military officer, an ENTJ.

The children’s story “Winnie the Pooh” is an allegory of mental disorders. Christopher Robin has schizophrenia, Owl has narcissistic personality disorder, Eeyore has major depression, Tigger has ADHD, Piglet has generalized anxiety disorder, Winnie the Pooh is an addict (or an eating disorder, maybe bulimia nervosa) Rabbit has OCD, and hell if I care about the kangaroos, looks like the kid has an insecure attachment to his mom, it seems.

let’s add in a new character, Mouse, who has chronic paranoid schizophrenia, a little compensatory narcissism, a little psychopathy or perhaps it’s just asperger’s mistaken as psychopathy (what my shrink thinks but isnt positive about), trauma, is a smoker and won’t shut the ■■■■ up about psychology, also likes barbaric things like lifting weights, fighting and eating lots of meat when he is not filling his abnormal brain with more psychology crap, and he loves dogs, also goes off topic and continues to talk after he has made his point.

I just wrote a lot. Obviously we have different clusters of symptoms, because I can just keep talking if I want to, it’s evidence of Asperger’s, I don’t know when to stop talking about facts. All I talk about is facts. I mean I am still talking.

Shut up, Mouse, you’re drunk, go home.

I didn’t drink a drop of ethanol, check my blood.

No mouse, don’t cut your self, we don’t need or want your blood.

I used a syringe, cutting myself is a no-no.

What did we tell you? We told you to shut up!

Pluto, come here!

Now he’s letting his dog lick his face. He’s disgusting. Don’t ask him anything, he will talk for like five minutes if you even ask him what he had for dinner. He will talk about the nutritional value of what he ate and tell you about how many grams of protein he eats a day, then he will talk about how much water he drinks, then he will talk about this one year he was a member of a powerlifting gym and met a bunch of juicers, then he will tell you about when he was a martial artist and how he got a cracked rib–

Dammit Mouse. Your splitting of mental functions should not be used as a form of free public entertainment.

Go to bed, Mouse. You need to wake up before 10am tomorrow. You need to practice for the GRE and lift weights tomorrow. Mouse has a date tomorrow! That’s too personal. Shut up, Mouse. I find your stream of consciousness disturbing. For a schizophrenic, you sure are talkative.

See I just wrote a stream of consciousness, even included a slightly delusional statement about “public entertainment.” That’s delusional, only other mentally ill people will read this. I hope. ■■■■. Anyways, try doing what I just did- just keep writing what you are thinking.

Snake eyes. Time to die! Peanut butter pie, in the moonlit sky, someone in the state of Colorado is really ■■■■■■■ high.

I can also just crap out words and phrases that rhyme, it’s weird. One of the characters in my book is medication resistant like hell and loves to rhyme half of what he says, I wrote all of his dialogue so that’s actually my unique little useless talent. His rhymes are more coherent and mostly make perfect sense, like here

“That’s what I meant by saying “inexcusably”, I mean I don’t need no ■■■■■■■ excuses for what the United States mass produces and reuses and infuses with pride, so you better be glad that I am on your side coming along for the ride.” -talking about being a veteran.

See, just write.

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I used to have a bit of a non-stop compulsion to write. I have too many journals from the past. Now I try to find a balance with my writing.

A lot of things I write are to just get them out of my head. If I don’t empty my head once in a while… I’ll start to obsess on what I was thinking.

other times… I write because my memory is so bad. Between the false memories, the delusions… the past drug damage… the times I was out of touch… my memory is pretty shaky.

Many times… I write letters to people. Sometimes it’s a rant I don’t have the guts to say… so I write the rant and burn it.

I think once you get the chaos out… just write the random words that come… then you can get down to the parts that mean something.

Good luck and I hope your block fades soon.

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Haha Mouse, you are great! Thank you for this reply, I’m going to dive right in!

Found the Winnie the Pooh mental disorder thing to be interesting- and completely true come to think of it.

Will you put up your book for sale when it’s done? Sounds like it will have great content as well as a comical sense of humor.

Take care Mouse!

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Thank you SurprisedJ,

Those are all good reasons to start writing, and I’m glad that you’re able to do it and it helps you. I think writing would help me understand some delusions.

Thanks and take care!

I’ll work on it and wait until I am a psychologist if that happens, then I will get it published. It’s full of no no’s and oh my’s. Sexuality, violence, war, mental illness, psychology, personality types, nurture vs nature, strong proponent of both nurture and nature.

I love it because I wrote it based on myself. Every character is from my head. In fact, they’re all clones, literally, they were grown in a facility and created to win a world war, and they all have schizophrenia, they take a miracle pill and some skip it for missions.

Fascinating! I feel like I’m on a mission myself when I skip the tablets, which the objection changes indefinitely. But hey, keep on being strong, you’re a cool mouse!

I kept a journal of some sort or another since at least 1990. Much of it was from the stress of my first (almost) divorce where I wrote out 10 pages a day for a couple of years. guess I had a lot to say, but not to others face since I was unsure of myself and my anger didn’t look the same once I wrote things out.
I mostly quit writing after I discovered my ex was copying pages for the source of my anger and dr’s when he thought appropriate, though he denied ever reading them.
Point is, that was my outlet, and once my only outlet for anger was taken, it didn’t take long before I started acting out in anger and boy, it was pretty destructive.
I wrote in phases when there was a lot to say, and when it resolved (medicated or not) there wasn’t much else to write about.
Sure you can force the issue, but unless you really have a lot to express, even if only to yourself, it will reach a point of being enough.

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I keep a journal, too, but I write very little, usually only on the bad days to vent.

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