Someone was surprised that I’ve been talked out my delusions by someone in their right mind,
and so from all these moments, and knowing where I’m failing,
I’ve learned to not take anything at face value.
In fact I question everything, does it make sense, is it logical, could it not be real.
it seems to be helping, to be testing it, probably meds too, keeps me in check.
Sort of like John Nash in A Beautiful Mind: his old roommate (hallucination)'s niece never ages. When he realizes that, it’s quite a breakthrough.
When I’m being paranoid, I will ask myself how “realistic” it is that the cops will show up on my porch, etc. I can also ask myself “what are the odds?”
its the meds i’d say, they lessen the severity of our symptoms, if i was off meds i’d be totally convinced by the delusion.
Without meds i would be lost in psychosis.
With meds i still have delusions, but I have some insight
I’m currently trying my best to talk myself out of my delusion that incorporates a real life woman. Because we are both real, it is difficult.
But I reached out to a mutual friend and delivered my style of honesty, and was ignored. I’m oscillating on what that communicates to me. But I think it’s pretty damning now. It’s as though this person doesn’t believe I’ll command respect in the future, and she’s not going to be a leader and pull me up now.
I need to climb the social strata somehow and it’s daunting, maybe that’s why my hopes are coming across as absurd.
Nonetheless hope is tricky and I feel like silence may communicate that my thoughts on this woman are not unfounded. So I’m still going back and forth a little.
I feel like everything in my life is a puzzle that i’m trying to figure out. I have to constantly analyze situations for clues as to what’s real and what’s not. Sometimes i come to conclusions that things aren’t likely to be real. That’s about the best i can do.
My paranoia is such that when I try to “reality test”, I always tell myself that the person could be lying. And therefore I cancel out my reality testing and it’s no good to me. Fortunately for me, I’m on so many AP’s now, (three), that I don’t get paranoid very often anymore.
Yes, both my son and I do this. Also, I added, is it helpful/worthwhile/useful? If not, like if it’s harmful, it doesn’t even matter if it’s “real” or delusion, I toss it out.
Thanks for sharing that, @Daze!
you don’t need to test theories just know the hallucinations are nonsensical lies that on medication become fairly obvious as they begin to become numerous and obvious because of poor lie quality. a good lie is supported by known facts perhaps but the hallucinations make very few intelligent observations and the many other things hallucinations say seem to be so unintelligent as to not be believed unless off medication, on the wrong medication or wrong dosage. even off medication some lies are so poorly planned they can never be believed.
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