Schizophrenia.com

Living in my head

i went out. i was really paranoid. i have the impression that i’ll suffocate by fear… and emotionally i am not sure i do it better…its just painfull inside,nothing else… and my concerns that i take a wash braining things(my meds) were increased… what do you think on that? did you go through this phase with the brain washing meds? yeap… :confused:
p.s. otherwise, i feel ugly and i am kinda physically avoiding others out there…

Lots of people don’t act right here…I just ignore all of this when I move somewhere, things get better in a few months with most of them. They act normal toward someone after a while…

Ugliest part is the churchies, my area sent a lot of the part-time psychotic ones to the church to make the voices stop for them – a common occurrence in areas with lots of sex abuse + people who ended up psychotic. Have so many kookoo people at work in some places, companies are not doing too okay as the employees will even screw up their own jobs. Also have lots of people I consider to be a preach stalker/thought broadcasting type who are set on the locals who are on disability check after mental care, harassed about it as it is considered stealing by some to take the SSDI check in areas that are so crazy (however, new people to town caught it another way and still treated to same nasty/crazy stuff). Kind of sad to see some follow orders from dirty church elders who are dirty businessmen who tell these ladies to mess up their own man if he chooses disability pay instead of going to church to make it stay…some churches stole from some, others threaten safety of family members of people who just checked it out so almost trapped there in a church of nuts or stalked by more people for years, even making employment hard for looking at churches that ‘make voices stop’…Is cut throat situation…there. Lots of the 20-30s deal with things by thought broadcaster stalking anyway, passive aggression or psychopathic stuff…I think it best to understand this behavior from some so you keep yourself healthy after schizo, understand mental care won’t provide any coping information for social problems like these and even calls it delusional. This policy is regrettable but nothing we can do about it. Just know the mental care will throw you in the mental hospital at your own expense for getting confrontational about your care, so is never worth it to get angry. Just try different psych doctors if things are not working out with your care team.

Some cities have kids that harass people in gangs, DO NOT ANSWER. But is bad sign the neighborhood is not safe for some people and will probably get to be a little too kookie and dramatic for you. I would move as soon as you can…I can live alone in city, just put chair on door overnight or extra lock I have that is portable for hotels. Funny but city is easier to deal with than country. My area has just gone bad in the country, some are making whores of women who tried to move out there and the town ruined her, cops tried to call her crazy and gave her to the drug dealers or wife beaters. (Not all that uncommon in popular country aces at all…Decided I would not try to live alone again until my guy is out of jail, I kept a good one as lots of the other males locally have gone crazy and go over to the dark side on relationships as a matter of rule for average looking women. Gone broke looking at different housing a few times, and ended up in unsafe area or town making whores or hurting people.)

You may be in a sick area. Especially if you were a new one to town when your symptoms just started, if you have so many thought broadcasters around you, you are just in an abusive town…You are last snack they ate…A move may be good choice for you if you have a place you can stay where YOU ALREADY KNOW SOMEONE WHO WILL HOUSE YOU FOR A WHILE. Know some people will try to blast you out of apartments with stereo if you share walls, start cooking fires, follow you around apartment above you, break stuff/steal while you are out, beat up pets or shoot off gun when you step outside, you are prepared to see things for real. I’ve been in a few places with just too many crazy ones a few times and I did end up getting harmed (work related with wrong blue collar/service workers) or hostile crowd…(is related to complaining too much in your therapy sessions here, the crazy strangers attack real bad). Sometimes I just needed to walk out of something without another word and disappeared as sometimes the people hunting in groups of crazies are hunting you…I’ve been threatened out of the work here and bad stuff happening to coworkers, really bad stories happened around me in my hometown so I no longer even try to do business here…This is just how working in my community handles if you met the wrong person at one time and cracked up, better to keep quiet and leave if you want to remain ‘career able’ worker.

Worst thing I’ve seen is the car repair blowing up car of family with little kids and no bus to work available…My car has been in puddle after oil changes several times. People in my city are driving hours to get new cars so it won’t quit timed with bad luck or voices…Is worst part of whole thing.

Some are mistreated bad at work. Works best to never discuss the diagnosis except for changes to work duties so you can handle the job called accommodations…Such as same schedule so you can deal with insomnia or set number of hours so your income stays below SSDI income limit…Retail is really rude here, think some end up crazier for taking a job where they are being told to mess with so many customers…I worked in offices and graphic design/writing stuff, cannot discuss anything nuts and all is pretty good unless you are working with an abuser, some try to get some women fired to land a new girl or go after every coworker. You can watch your local job ads to see which jobs keep showing up every 6 months and just know something is wrong, avoid it…

Hope it helps.

You know, found out most of the social stuff in my city was landing new victims to hear voices and become slaves to follow orders to do favors…Had ladies moving here who make $40 an hour and cannot keep away a male who wanted some from a mistress, had to service him or crazy stuff happened to her. This place is hard for single women, the wealthy users/trasher men force it here so many ladies end up getting married on short notice or shack up to keep this kind of community problem away from their work. Eventually got mistreated by place where I served on the board because new people moved into the community who are garbage canning people to take their jobs…Seems to be better working as a schizo if you just do not bother to network in community, keep your current employer off your online resume if you had any treats made against you networking/bad bosses, portfolio website off search engine and just send out online resume to contacts you choose. Will keep the trashers away…Funny but craigslist has some of the best jobs dealing with the small business people who are invested in success of their business and provide respectful work environment to all.

Eventually, you will be able to ignore the voices even if you hear it for a while longer and you will be able to do school or work. I suggest you only do one, as trying to multi-task schizo is recipe to be destroyed. Is very common at some colleges to trash schizos, so take psych DR note to disability services. You will be able to take tests in another room, get alternative assignments if you are working in group of uncooperative people and you can make sure professor does not mistreat you by not following syllabus assignments or tries sexual harassment. Always pay for 2-3 classes in cash before you try to get Pell grant or loans at a college or you will have to pay back the money immediately if you are mistreated and want to drop school. Online classes are real relief to keep civil right to education available to all but can be a fight…If I take all the verbal harassment from the students and patiently deal with unacceptable level of unprofessional behavior from professors, I was tolerated.

If you are in high school and found yourself surrounded by a lot of sickos, you may be in town with sex abuse issue and I bet you are the new student too…You are very lucky if you are male, lots of bad stuff can happen to girls and cops won’t even do anything when the wealthy abuser families move into town. You can be okay if you NEVER talk to the abuser people or their friends, never attend any school social events or attend anything social with anyone from that group. Stick head in book and move to a college away from area no where near any of these asap. But, I think the online GED is HUGE relief after seeing similar situation happen in high schools here with wealthy sex abuse family go through the school system here and even ruin coworkers. Can be better to hit the books at home like an appointment and finish out your education away from these sickos and their nuts.

What you describe is something most of us face. It can be intense. Maybe you could talk to a doctor about getting a benzodiazapin. They help with anxiety. The people on this site can feel for you. You’re not alone. You’re doing the right thing by talking about your feelings.

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I feel like all eyes are on me… hating and judging… ready to do me harm… when I hit a panic spike. I take Xanax as needed.

There are times where I think my meds are making up my personality and there’s nothing left of me in there… But I’m working on being more at peace with life… that’s a conscious effort… so it’s not all meds.

Good luck and let your doc know that going out causes a lot of anxiety. He might have some ideas for you.

Hope you feel better soon.

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People really do not care how do you look or how do you dress as long as you are kind to others and smile.
Outside would is not a runaway, it is not a battlefield and you won’t do good to yourself if you imagining it like that; it is more a huge square where everyone’s individual paths overlaps for a short moment…

Everyone feels insecurity. You are literary surrounded by people like you, with fears, problems, complexes, traumas, illnesses. Instead of feeding that sense of difference try to understand that you are no worse than anyone out there - your diagnose doesn’t make you less human.

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Yes Anna I went through that. I’ve lived in my head all my life, but as a child it worked for me…I had this great imagination that could keep me well occupied. But yes as I got older it became so maladaptive (loss of imagination? More expectation to be more “outgoing?”) The social anxiety crippled me until I eventually withdrew from the world and began avoiding friends and social situations (I’d been through too much by then anyway) I became reclusive and kept to myself, read a ton of books, stayed up late at night on the computer picked up my old legos again, played computer games, tried brewing my own mead (total fail)

I was still spending time with some friends but was so lost in my head and was taking more medication than had been (I checked up on it eventually) tested on humans. Not that that stuff should be tested on any other more noble living creature (I"m sure it it) Anyway I’m still in my 30’s very shy and still lost in a head that has been through so much that I’m basically senile at 32 years old.

I’ve been on and off meds…I’m not sure I even should be on anything other than supplements and vitamins for maybe brain health (that’s my real problem by the way) But what i’m on right now doesn’t seem to be working at all. Especially the clonazepam for anxiety as I took it for a decade to the effect that it does nothing for me at normal doses.

Sorry I’m probably just rehashing things I’ve said before/probably shouldn’t be posting at all. Just felt I could relate some.

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ive didnt see you here mussell so your thread is talking to me. i found clozapine really bad for me,i was more paranoid on it than i am without meds and i ve stopped eating on it…i find hard living between 4 walls but i still dont have pleasure outside because of my fear. i guess ill stay on zyprexa long time if i have not serious side effects :)… yeah and it s hard to see out there beautifull girls who doesnt now what schizophrenia is and have it all… its not easy for none of them but ive got schizophrenia with negative symptoms from this life… anyway, i keep going. if i dont get a sleep its worse in my head.
kiss

hi, im not a great example on recovery, BUT I believe that meds make you lose contact with your senses and body.

and what if i have lost them without meds? i have body hallucinations,its not nice,it makes you feel unconfortable :/…

those are uncomfortable. I hate them.

What Im saying is that part of feeling good in life, and being healthy in the mind(I believe), is having a sense of connectedness to the world. The opposite is derealization, which comes if you are not true to your being.