My mom has been reminding me of when I was a kid all the great things I had going for me. Then at 11 or so I just really went downhill. I used to hate myself for what I did as a kid. But now I’ve learned to love myself more. I was a damn cool kid till I was like 11 then everything went downhill. I can’t blame myself all the way like I have for my “downfall”. My mom says environment. She also says genetics. She said one more thing I don’t remember. But she said one thing “your dad used to say he wishes he could see into your mind when you were a kid”.
I might’ve blocked out parts of childhood. Probably the good parts more than the bad parts. The bad parts I dwelled on. learning to love and accept myself more. Feels good now.
Sometimes I regret the things I did while I was young, but I feel as if sz has kind of released me of that burden. It’s like no matter what I had done I still would have ended up this way. It was inevitable. So I’m glad I had my fun.
I was abused most of the time in childhood. I hated my childhood for it. But I know now that the experiences I had help me to love others more.
I’m also thankful that I’ve survived and didn’t end up choosing to end my life.