Its like i don’t see the future and no paths leading to any kind of desirable happening.
I live in the vacuumed presence and just making through a day.
I do have something like a voluntary practice for getting a teacher licence and i even think about MD but in the essence im not really interested in any of it.
I dont feel a passion for improving my knowledge or emotional inteligence any more. No creativity no dreams no ambition.
Shallow,pleasure seeking,mindless, stoned, meaningless, black state.
Im kinda the same way and it sucks,im like emotionally numb no matter what.
I bet if I won a million bucks it wouldn’t even phase me.
Last year I took a vacation to Colorado and it really helped change my outlook temporarily anyways im pretty much back where I was but the memories of my vacation make me feel better.
Yeah you are correct, I started the first 9-5 “job” ive had for years about 3 months ago and im still acclimating myself to it , but its getting better.
Im fortunate to have great supervisors and co-workers.
I used to write an essays on the literally criticism… Used to write poems and discuss about art…
I think that the pills ■■■■■■ my brain and now its missing the part from where the willingness comes.
“Stoned” (given our other discussions) is probably the operative word here. Being stoned made me slow and stupid, which you are not (yet) but may become if you continue to play with fire. (Sorry; I know this was a jab in your shoulder with a pointed finger.)
Oh and i get those stupid questions in my head like, observing some successful personwho is also wealthy and i think, why does she/he still works? Why they want it and how they want it.?
O.o
My closest friends seem not to be of some help.
Ritual noun
1.
an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.
2.
a system or collection of religious or other rites.
3.
observance of set forms in public worship.
4.
a book of rites or ceremonies.
5.
a book containing the offices to be used by priests in administering the sacraments and for visitation of the sick, burial of the dead, etc.
6.
a prescribed or established rite, ceremony, proceeding, or service:
the ritual of the dead.
7.
prescribed, established, or ceremonial acts or features collectively, as in religious services.
8. any practice or pattern of behavior regularly performed in a set manner.
9.
a prescribed code of behavior regulating social conduct, as that exemplified by the raising of one’s hat or the shaking of hands in greeting.
10. Psychiatry. a specific act, as hand-washing, performed repetitively to a pathological degree, occurring as a common symptom of obsessive-compulsive neurosis.
I felt exactly the same as you when I was on Haldol. I couldn’t dream on that drug. I’m 56, and I haven’t accomplished much in my life. Never had a family. Never had a meaningful job. There’s a line in a song by Willie Nelson - “I could cry for the time I wasted”. I deeply regret all the opportunities I have squandered. Much of what got in my way was the vague notion that I wanted to be a writer. I couldn’t relate to the work-a-day world. I’ve had a few small successes as a writer, but I’m no where near the level I wanted to be at. My advice is to try to pry up that layer of indifference. Dream a little. Dream of doing great things. Find something you want to do. I heard that if you do what you love you never have to go to work a day in your life. If you don’t do something you will end up old and with nothing to show for your life. I’m dealing with that situation now.
Yeah it’s like i don’t “see” myself anywhere in the foreseeable or distant future.
The only thing i feel if i start thinking of it is a huge fear of upcoming obligations.
And I’m still wrapped around a certain person and live his life.
…Venting in progress
)