I was diagnosed with schizophrenia for ten years since the age of sixteen. Recently I was re-evaluated after applying for disability benefits. I was told I don’t have a muscle disorder I was genetically tested for after a brief physical, and then told I have an IQ of 103 and Bipolar and ADHD and GAD. Even though I have no emotions. Even though it doesn’t matter. I’m starting to become psychotic and suicidal. My dad says labels don’t matter. I found out a lot of secrets after my dad moved out. I am not allowed to have a credit card account and my dad physically shredded my cards. He also owns my bank account. I can’t get a loan because he ruined my credit by taking the credit cards. He’s rich. He’s helping my brother. He gives me 30 dollars five days a week for living expenses. He gave me his old car to drive. I’m living in forced compliance. I live with my mom.I am unhappy. I tried to kill myself recently. But labels don’t matter. I was the subject of a trial I believe on Abilify when I was fifteen and overdosed on medicine and then abruptly taken off them each time and they probably caused my psychosis but IDK because it’s all a lie and labels don’t matter. Not to mention I’m not moody or depressed.I just wanna f u c k ing die now. Can I die? Can I just kill myself? At what point does the assault, the abuse and rape, the stolen future take effect? I wanna die so bad.I don’t want to go to debt for insurance. I’m 28 and my life is over. It’s been stolen from me. It’s been ruined for me. I was interviewed by harvard alumni and everything I ever dreamed of taken from me because I was supposed to NOT FINISH COLLEGE.MY dad does not want me to finish college. Is this abuse? I have NO WAY OUT. I’m thinking of running away or just killing myself.
Stop this nonsense, at 28 your life is hardly over. From your own description you don’t sound like you can manage your life yet, and if you really don’t like your living situation, get your life back on track and show your parents you can manage your life on your own.
As long as you sit there and scream abuse or your going to kill yourself because you aren’t getting what you want, you should be grateful your folks are helping you, not bashing them.
Get off the self destructive path and do your best- not worst, to change yourself before you get stuck in this pattern you hate.
I have been trying. I’m just really tired and the anti-depressants don’t seem to be helping. I have tried everything and now I have no energy. I should probably stop seeing a psychiatrist because it is no longer serving a purpose but to make issues out of things that don’t exist. I would like to have a stable career or even a job but I don’t have energy and I’ve reached the point where I’m questioning why I can’t be allowed to be happy. If no one is helping me find work then why am I constantly asked why I’m not working. I don’t think it’s fair that disabled people are treated so horribly. I am not asking for handouts. But I don’t have a college degree because I can’t afford it and I have done everything to succeed with no success. I took the GED straight out of the mental hospital. I went to college but couldn’t finish it was too expensive. I don’t know what about myself there is left to change other than get back on ADHD medications because I’m diagnosed with ADHD and all my psychiatrist will give me is Strattera which doesn’t help. I was doing well when I had energy to do things. I’m fatigued and have no motivation because Abilify is messing with my head. I’m not trying to blame my parents can’t you understand that? But I’m bashed all the time so maybe it’s just that living up to anyone’s standards will amount to failure because they don’t allow success.
Check with your psychiatrist to see if there are any services for sheltered employment for people with mental illness. There’s only so much other people can do for you though. If you are able to channel some of the anger at your situation into improving it, it can only help. If you’ve got a car, a place to live, food to eat and spending money, you’re ahead of many people already.
First I would say that you don’t need anyone to find work, you’re more than able to search for jobs, though I can see how it can be hard finding one. So you need to try to empower yourself to sort out your situation. Second, if your Dad is rich why can’t he help pay for college, and even if he or your mom can’t there are always student loans. Third, what are you interested in pursuing in a career? You need to set goals for yourself as well as a plan on how to achieve them. You appear to be lost in a maze of confusion, but there are ways out. If things aren’t working for you currently try to change something, whether its your meds or what you do during the day. Low energy is a sign of depression and i can say myself abilify (i’ve taken it) isn’t always the best solution nor is it the only solution. If i were you I’d work with your doctor to find perhaps a better medicine or medicines. I know what its like to want to throw it all away, but all i can say is that with time things change and will get better. If you feel like you at the bottom, its only up from here. Lastly, despite what other people do (esp your parents) the only thing you can do is change youself. Blaming anyone is a waste of time and will only be a distraction from thoughts that will help you. Last thing… what you think about grows… which means if you focus your energy on something it will improve. So focus your energy on what you believe will help you, and start your journey to a better situation.
There is a way out of this. I know it seems hard now, but there are things you can do.
You can start by getting the right medication and maybe trying a few classes at a local community college or state school. I read an article here about a woman with sz who had an IQ of 70 and raised her IQ. We sometimes have to take this disease one day at a time.
I hope you find peace and a better future.
Thanks. I’m doing that now. I got back on the right medication and stopped the antidepressants. My psychiatrist scheduled three months apart and I find it hard to communicate to them. I switched to another clinic who is in my insurance provider network. And then got a call this morning from someone who processed my FAFSA and I have a scholarship/grant now so I can finish some sort of degree. However I don’t know what–and I don’t want to waste the grant. But I will find somewhere so yeah that’s the current plan. I think being off medication makes me out there as hell. I may not be having vivid hallucinations, delusional thoughts or commands…I can focus better; I lack complete motivation and emotions without medication. I don’t know if that’s depression or what but I’m not diagnosed so I assumed it was ok not to focus on maintaining schizophrenia because I don’t know anything about bipolar and no one really explained it to me…and I don’t have mood ups or downs. I’m always the same. Just everyone has left me to my own means without any financial support.
I’m trying to overcome it but I have intense fear due to the fact my dad volunteers on the board or was head chairman of the board where I have been being seen for medication and I found out they aren’t even in the medicaid network or listed under my specific insurance. It’s just odd. Why is everyone in the family allowed to know where my dad lives but me and my mom? Are we being controlled and discriminated against because of this perceived weakness? Maybe its eugenics related.
I wish I was adopted or knew the truth. I almost stumbled on something that might’ve implied it but it didn’t show anything enough. My dad works for people who want to stamp barcodes into people’s foreheads. I always thought that’s why they sent me to Sheppard Pratt for breaking antique porcelain. Everytime I was hospitalized it was like the whole place would be put under lockdown and cops came etc. people freaking out. I know I was given a partial lobotomy when I was fifteen.
They wished they could’ve whitewashed me. The whole freaking future is a planned demolition of deceit. I can see the future. I often see political figures in dreams and then doing the things the next day on tv or live. Machinations.
Abilify is a genius concept though: I mean…happy pills…that’s exactly what pissed off people need to get through the day.
My dad probably watches this forum too. Very psycho and uncool dad. He hates me because I scored higher than him on the SAT and I was fourteen.
I’m certain your dad doesn’t watch this forum. Right now you sound like your medication needs to be switched. Ask your pdoc for something different. It often takes many tries to find the right meds. I was put on Clonopin before my current meds. I’m doing okay right now, but I’ve still got a lot to work through, so I’m also seeing a therapist. Having a therapist works by giving you one extra barrier to watch for full blown psychosis. It also helps treating the underlying social/family problems that contributed to Sz in the first place.
You can get the pelle Grant for college at your age as long as you don’t have a bachelors
Thanks for your honesty. My psychiatrist knows how Abilify is affecting me. He runs off a list of medications which have side effects that I reacted to but doesn’t want to try something different. I’m currently labeled with Bipolar1 unspecified, ADHD, and General Anxiety. I’m taking Strattera 25mgs, Abilify15mgs and Vistaril as needed. Might try something herbal. Like st. johns wort or sam-E.
I feel really bad about this thread topic and I hope the moderator will delete it.
You can’t take St John’s Wort with antidepressants. I don’t know drugs by name but watch out if one of the drugs you listed is an AD. They interact very badly.
Number one, I am hostile toward people who want a career.
Or in other words, Let’s do economic equality,
let’s eliminate jobs through progress of humankind,
and then I will do my stuff and people who want a career will take a hike.
My approach will win out eventually,
the conservatives always try to resist, and they always lose eventually.
Now for practical advice.
First of all, I manage to be in very good mood even though my objective situation is very bad.
This is what I recommend to you.
Try to be happy even if your situation is bad.
Further, focus on what is within your control.
Do the maximum that depends on you.