I’m turning 28 on Friday. I have no idea how people think I’m rich for having $150 a week. I’m constantly under attack and speculation because my dad makes money on writing healthcare software and has been successful. It’s like everything I have is under attack. I might lose my health insurance, medicaid, that actually made my prescriptions affordable. I get $30 a day to spend. I can’t find work. I tried Mcdonalds and they were paying me under the table. I have no confidence anymore.
Everyone’s pressuring me to get a job, no one accepts that I am disabled. I took an IQ and battery test to re-affirm my diagnosis of ADHD an Bipolar, but was not given the results back and it’s been over a month. It was hinted at that I did well on the test. But they are supposed to mail me the results, I signed them over to myself and my psychiatrist. was supposed to apply for Macy’s but I heard on the radio they are doing massive layoffs. I live in West Virginia and have no finished college. My dad doesn’t want me to use the $5,000 grant to finish college.
. My boyfriend doesn’t have his GED. He also has schizophrenia. But they keep messing with our labels. He was also going to the hospital a lot for seizures. Someone must have talked to him. I didn’t understand it. I feel it was more psychopathy than schizophrenia. The way we are used and abused. I mean our parents just want us to shut up about everything these days. Schizophrenia is a tool of oppression. That is why I stopped taking anti-psychotics over a year ago. I stopped using drugs, or drinking, or anything else. I found that without chemicals I am able to focus better without stimulants to activate what the anti-psychotics de-activated. I also think that my issue was neuropathic. My mom has had multiple surgeries on her legs and had pain. Now she’s being treated for schizoaffective. She takes a monthly shot of haldol and they have her on vitamins and other medicines that made her better and happier. I’m so happy for her. She’s under her husband’s insurance. I don’t think she will lose her health insurance.
Because I am unemployed and not considered disabled, I am not entitled so social security or government assistance. If I had gotten knocked up or was homeless or lie I could get food stamps. I don’t rent or own my house. My dad moved out. I was my mother’s caretaker for the past two years but they want her to lie and say that she lives alone and that I have an apartment. My mom was a civil rights activist. I never understood why I was always singled out. It had something to do with my observances of the disputes between my parents. How my mother just went insane. I was born in a military lab or something. I know a lot must’ve been going on. I sometimes thought my dad was an mkultra experiment. I haven’t come up with genius inventions or time travel weapons. I have dabbled with remote viewing. I’m not as good as I used to be, or it’s less pronounced. I can control it. I don’t flinch. I know the difference between a trick and an accident.
IDK maybe there is hope. I’ve been getting into computers a bit. Still, feeling despondent. My psychiatrist thinks I’m depressed but I won’t allow him to prescribe me SSRI’s. They affect me like my mother, make me suicidal. I was there through it all. But like, half of my life I don’t remember. And then, I don’t want this to be the end of my country, The USA. We should be proud to be here. I’m tired of the future coming true when I wake up only to repeat itself when I fall asleep. Where’s the fun?
sending hugs and love