Knowing that any day could be your last

This illness steals people’s lives right out from under them while they watch it go down. I’m literally living everyday like its my last day on earth but not having fun doing it. I got sober ten years ago and although I’m suffering I’m not willing to throw away the one precious possession that I worked for. Plus I don’t want to dishonor my family by going back to drugs and dying with a needle in my arm like a bum.
If I knew the psychosis wouldn’t come back I’d be out there living. But instead I live in fear every day.
I did some planting today in the yard with my dad he said the bulbs will bloom in the spring. I said that im sure they will be beautiful when they do, not knowing if I would be around then to see them. It’s tough when you want to live but you know in your heart that you’re screwed. I wish they would develop a cure for psychosis so I could resume living and pick up the pieces. I don’t know how people live like this and hiding in your house is only good for so long.

Having psychosis is not your fault. Do whatever you can within your abilities.

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Yeah, substance abuse can be a really gruelling ordeal, but one of things I eventually had to realize in my own recovery from illness, was my own role in it. I had to admit to some extent how I was complicit in my own suffering, meaning I had to see how I’d brought some of it on myself. I know it’s hard, but you’re not the first and people come out of substance abuse and mental illness all the time (although they aren’t always cured of them). Just don’t isolate yourself and just as important, count your blessings.

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When was the last time you had a psychosis @MeghillaGorilla1 ? You seem overly worried about it.

I’m becoming much less worried about it as time goes on and I haven’t had it.

I’ve been psychosis free for about 2.5 years. I don’t really think about becoming psychotic anymore these days now.

its been about a year exactly @everhopeful last october i was delusional and paranoid had to be hospitalized twice. I can’t take these meds though, haven’t had a libido in a year and thats not right. Cant live with this disease either

Yes, I was quite worried about a relapse, even a year after I had one. I think that’s natural. You eventually realise it’s not going to happen though. Just have to give it time, like another year, to be honest.

So long as you keep taking the meds that are preventing it, you’ll be fine. Otherwise you’ll be back at the starting line again.

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