Just some thoughts

I’ve been all over the place on here over the past couple of weeks. I was really losing sight of things there for a while, even to the point that my symptoms made a come back. I can’t and don’t wish to describe the past couple of weeks, they were just bizarre and a good reminder of how utterly stupid I can be.

Just thought I’d share some of my thoughts though.

I moved back to where I grew up this past July mostly to help get a startup clubhouse model program get up and running. I’ve been trying to make it back to the old clubhouse where I last lived at least once a week but it’s a long drive and I’m feeling more and more removed from that community. I started at a mental health center for the first time in my life, I’d always seen a doctor in private practice if that, and I feel utterly lost and misunderstood there.

They know this is something new to me, this I think became obvious when I mentioned to my doctor that I was thinking of switching therapists. You should have seen the look on this guy’s face when I said this, I don’t think they get that a lot there. I don’t know, it’s even making me feel a little paranoid at times, the mental health center is. Lets say I’m just not in my element in a therapist’s or doctor’s office. I’m not myself in that setting, when I sit down in that chair I become a passive moron who can’t remember who he freaking is or even get the words out. It’s been really frustrating. Of course my past experience in the mental health services hasn’t helped…at all.

As far as the clubhouse is concerned, it’s going to be rocky and it’s going to take a good deal of time if this startup is to take off in this community. I’m coming from a clubhouse with +200 members and 3 staff to a startup clubhouse with about 6 to 8 members and 1 (soon to be 2) staff with no clubhouse training and little knowledge of the model. It’s been frustrating, I’m there trying to lend what I know about the model and how it’s meant to function while trying to remain in the background so to speak and let things take shape as they will.

I did speak to the vocational guy from my mental health center when he stopped by our little “clubhouse” yesterday about training opportunities in peer support which is in my state where the money is going and where the future seems to be. This is something I’d looked into a few years ago and found next to nothing in my area or even statewide. But it looks as though as the money comes in this field will be growing greatly.

So…I’m kind of thinking of jumping ship here…going over to the other side. I’ve yet to drop in on the peer support drop in center here but am still meaning to. They even have a DRA meeting which would be good for my recovery as well. That is key at the moment as that has been the problem over the past couple of weeks.

That’s how I feel about therapy, so I stopped going. What is a clubhouse? For adults? Children?

for adults…it’s a psychosocial, non-clinical approach to community for people with mental illness…it was started in 1948 in NYC and now there are over 300+ world wide. It can serve as a way to get back into the workforce, back into school, services or even housing, or simply a place to get a cup of coffee and chat with others who may be able to relate.

It’s what you make of it I suppose.

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