Hi 24 years old. 6 month old daughter and just finally realized that I have been in my first psychotic delusion for a year and a half now. Have a doctors appointment next week to talk to someone. Am 100% certain that it is schizophrenia since I have had color symbolism which no other mental disorder has that symptom. Not really sure how I feel. In one aspect so relieved to finally realize why things are so difficult and to give myself a break from the voice of “God.” How good it feels to know it’s just my crazy ass beating myself up because I’m use to that. And other ways I am confused and not even close to the stage of acceptance. Numbing is the only thing I have for now.
I’d be careful calling yourself a person with Schizophrenia. Perhaps it is just a delusion. It doesn’t have to be Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that is characterized by “loss of contact with reality” and it’s almost always completely disabling. It’s not something you want, trust me. But I am glad that you had the insight to see into your delusion, that’s a good sign. Most people with a Schizophrenia related illness do no have insight into their problems. I’m glad you came here.
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I understand your mixed feelings.
Hopefully it turns out to be something good or manageable for you.
What do you mean by color symbolism?
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Color meaning and symbolism isn’t a common discussion point here, but it has been mentioned before. Which colors are significant to you and what do they mean to you? - so we know specifically where you’re coming from.
I sometimes freak out if I see gold cars cos somebody once told me that means they are unmarked police cars. Pretty sure that is a myth though.
have you seen a doctor? I see a therapist every two weeks and a psychiatrist every four weeks.
There are lots of other components to being schizophrenic, so I’d be careful before jumping to conclusions. Still I’m glad you’re seeing a doctor and I hope things work out for you!
What do you mean by this? 
Well only a doctor can diagnose that.
It is possible to have delusions or brief psychosis and not have Sz and that’s a good thing.
A doctor can help you get through tough patches in life. But don’t get med students disease by reading too much about symptoms.
Tell them about that voice and they have meds to help that!!