I had my appointment with my pdoc this morning. We decided to go with Geodon instead of the Latuda. It worked great for me before. My mom actually found an old bottle of Latuda that I had been on in 2011. I don’t remember being on it but I guess it didn’t work. I called her office Friday because I was having really bad panic attacks. They said it could be from coming off of the Seroquel so they told me to go back up a little on it. She cut out the Risperdal as we’re introducing the Geodon as she doesn’t want me on three APs because of the side effects. Aside from the panic attacks I’ve been having auditory, visual, and tactile hallucinations. I’ve also been irritable. I can feel bugs crawling on my arms. I thought it was a nerve problem and my PCP decided it was a hallucination. The one night I was hearing one or two second sound clips in my head of laughing and talking. The visuals have been weird. I see on the ceiling a Word document with a cursor rapidly moving. I also see these movies that feel foreign like someone else’s thoughts. They’re images that move rapidly that I’m forced to see. It doesn’t matter if my eyes are open or closed.
Aside from the every day panic attacks I have a lot of anxiety when I go for ECT. I really need Klonopin for my anxiety. My pdoc is very against prescribing it. I wrote down everything I wanted to say about it and read it to her. She was impressed with how articulate I was and wrote me a script for five of them. It’s funny last night while I was chanting I visualized her writing the prescription. I think when you send an intention out into the universe it comes back to you.
She also described to me why she feels I have Schizoaffective Disorder and not Schizophrenia. Even though I have the symptoms of Schizophrenia I’ve had depression in the past. I haven’t had depression in four years and just had the psychosis which is why I thought it was Schizophrenia. She explained that it takes just one episode of depression to have Schizoaffective Disorder. I thought Schizoaffective was less severe then Schizophrenia and she was downplaying my experience. I went through hell. But Schizoaffective is both a mood disorder and a thought disorder. One’s not worse then the other, it’s pretty bad to have either. Their both severe mental illnesses.
I’m relieved this appointment is over. I kept going over in my head the conversation I was going to have with her.
Other good news is my overall GPA went up to 3.97. It’s just 0.01 of a point but it’s closer to a 4.00.
I hope all of you out there in schizo land are enjoying this beautiful day.