We’ve been decreasing my Seroquel and Risperdal over the past few months and pdoc put me on Geodon to replace the two. I’m off of Risperdal, but when the Seroquel dropped to 100mg I started getting horrible anxiety. They were panic attacks that lasted hours. The last time I saw her I had written out exactly what I wanted to say and expressed how Klonopin really helps with the anxiety. I’ve been doing awesome recently, but the anxiety was a huge setback as it made it hard to leave the house. My functioning was actually declining. So she raised my Lexapro and wrote a script for 5 0.5mg Klonopin, which I was grateful for. I had expressed how I was doing every coping skill I knew and was not drinking caffeine. I only used the Klonopin after the panic attack had been going on for an hour and after I utilized every coping skill I knew. I called her office and spoke with the nurse, telling her I was really struggling and didn’t know what to do. I did mention that only the Klonopin helped, but I was doing everything I could before taking one. The nurse spoke with pdoc and she basically said I just have to deal with it because she wasn’t going to help me. Those aren’t her exact words but that is basically what she said. I was and still am floored. There are other non-benzo medications and she was not willing to help at all. Needless to say I’m switching to a private psychiatrist because aside from this situation, she also doesn’t listen to my concerns and will tell me one thing and then the next time change it to something else. I really don’t want ECT anymore and was symptomatic in the past despite trying almost every atypical. I wasn’t functioning before ECT and was heading toward living in an institution, either a state hospital (I was a danger to both myself and others) or prison (I had psychosis telling me to kill my mom or set my animals on fire). She had mentioned trying Clozaril, which I had never been on, and I was very hopeful that maybe that would work and I wouldn’t need ECT. Somehow she changed her mind and wanted to try Latuda. I can understand her concern because I am already pre-diabetic and overweight and Clozaril has such harsh side effects. I discovered I had been on Latuda in the past and obviously it hadn’t worked so I convinced her to try Geodon because that had helped me in the past. I don’t think it’s strong enough though for me to stop the ECT. I’m so frustrated!
Her response to my anxiety really hurt my feelings, and the nurse sounded pissed off when she called and told me what pdoc said. I’m afraid they’re going to label me as drug seeking because I said the Klonopin helped. And pdoc will probably assume I’m not going to see her anymore because she won’t prescribe a benzo.
I read someone else’s post about Neurontin and want to bring it up with my PCP. Off label it is used for anxiety and back pain, and it would help the nerve pain I have in my leg. I did a lot of research on it and it would be awesome to get off of the Percocet and Klonopin, especially since Klonopin is so hard to get. It makes me so mad that people have abused benzos and ruined it for people that truly need them. I don’t want to be on Klonopin long term, just long enough to come off of the Seroquel and get stable. I’ve never been addicted to dugs and even had a script for 90 Klonopin from old pdoc that I never filled, now I wish I had filled it.
I have an appointment with pdoc on 21st that I hope I find a new one before then, because I don’t know what I would say to her. I was up until 6:30 this morning playing the conversation I would have with her over and over in my mind. My head would not stop. I ended up getting 2-3 hours of sleep and am really not that tired. When I told my mom what time I had fallen asleep she said I was manic. I have been having grandiose delusions, my head won’t stop, and increased sexual activity. I am Schizoaffective but I don’t think I’ve ever been manic before. I haven’t had any mood problems for over four years, just the psychosis. For a while they all said it was Schizophrenia, but pdoc said if you’ve even had one episode of Depression it’s Schizoaffective. It makes sense, that’s what I was diagnosed with at 13 and really struggled with Depression for years.
I was feeling very hopeless, but have seemed to get my hope back. Sorry this post is so long, I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.