What do I do? I just don’t know what to do.
I’m faced with a problem. Either clean this up and publish it or toss it away. I almost have 200 pgs and it’s starting to take its finial form but I just don’t know what to do. I have it all stitched up to the point where it’s almost as good looking as Frankenstein’s monster. All I need to do is refine the seam work, put some extensions in the hair, maybe some implants, makeup, bring someone round for a finial look and send it off.
The problem is I just don’t know what to do. I know you’ve heard me say that more times than either of us would like to count but I just don’t. I’m so worried that it’s going to end up as a masturbatory fantasy instead of anything ‘real’. I don’t want to be published just to be published. I would say I don’t want it to be like 50 shades but at least that shook some stigma off BDSM even though it was just a BDSM relationship in name. I don’t want it to be a harlequin. If it gets that far I’ll burn it before I turn it in.
I’ve always felt the need to be like Dickens. I want to say something. This is just a love story but ‘Lolita’ was a love story in the most ■■■■■■ up way possible. Nabokov showed what a pedophile is like but can I show what a severe sz is like? Do I have any right to talk about us? I’ve been medicated since my first hallucination basically so I feel like I don’t have any right to say I’m sz. I know I do but when I see someone on here who has believe they were possessed and had the hell that comes with and someone who thinks the CIA is after them, how do I speak to that?
It’s easier with my abuse witness. I’ve never seen it much less lived with it but as an outsider I can say it’s easier. You know that you don’t know. If you can’t bring horror in a man’s eyes when he remember his father hitting his mother at least you can get a participation award. At least you can state your honest intentions: ‘I wanted to bring exposure to what I feel is an issue that needs more attention and I’m sorry that I failed. I’m sorry’.
And what do I know about care givers? I ‘see’ you guys almost every day but how can I talk about everything you’re going through? C doesn’t show me his pain. He doesn’t open up to me about it if I’m being difficult. All I know is what you tell me but that’s one of the things this story hinges upon. The sz/caregiver relationship. How do I do this?
I need to burn, bury, and move on or put some lipstick on this pig.
i found this a little hard to follow…the caffeine has not kicked in yet !?! 
if you have a book 
…why would you ’ not ’ publish.
it is not about sales it is about self accomplishment… 
good on you. 
take care 
Rant away! You got a book - I don’t have to tell you that you’re at liberty to do with it as you please. I wish you the best. If you wrote a book about sz, which is kinda what I gathered, then you have courage - something I admire - rant away! We are humans of value - our illness subtracts nothing from our value, and it could very well be that your book would be very interesting to normal people who are curious about the world of schizophrenia. We love and laugh and feel too, and this is all very human, and human interest stories can be top sellers - not that money is your first consideration as an artist. People value what they pay for. Its your decision but I suggest that you do not let fear dictate to you if that’s the problem. And if you’re a perfectionist like me - give it up, you’ll die long before you hit that mark.
Thank you so much mikee. That’ actually why I wrote it. I wanted to get a sz, put him in a bubble with a wife and watch him. Then add a stressors and watch him. I just sort of wanted to put one of us in an aquarium so that everyone could see us swimming about, eating our little meds, frolicking in seaweed that isn’t really there. Just being adorable.
@darksith that’s what I sound like when I’m thinking/trying to get an idea across if it’s something usual it’s pretty easy (My favorite color is blue) when I’m trying to talk about an idea that’s original to me it gets ugly like ^. 
I’m not done. I need to whip up an ending and edit. I think I’m pretty close though. 
You’d probably end up regretting it if you didn’t try on this one…
I thought I had finished the first chapter of what I’m working on… only to have had the setting change drastically by the end of it… So now I have to rewrite half of it… but before I can do that I have to refine my vision of what the world is like… am I going to do it… most certainly… the plot is as good as any I’ve ever read in Sci-fi… am I going to take my time… also most certainly.
Good on you though for having so much done.
Be prepared though, my sis tells me the editors are going to hack it apart…
God speed @onceapoet