I’m on board with the doll hate! I was over at a friend’s house, and she has a pile of stuffed animals and dolls in her room, and I sat across from them, and when I looked up, they were all glaring at me. Just dripping with malice, murmuring in their stupid little voices. I couldn’t look away, I was sure if I did they would swarm and attack me. I was stuck staring at them for almost half an hour before I worked up the courage to look away, the whole time watching them stare back at me angrily. Of course, nothing happened, as I’m still here, but I still don’t trust them.
1 Like
I heared posters talk when I was a kid. I used to put tape on their mouth.
I wouldn’t make it a half hour in a room with a doll. I’m glad you got out of there. Dolls have horrid looks on their faces. They are so judgmental. There is just something about dolls that are so creepy. I don’t understand what skill they teach or why so many of them are made.
I had a period of that. I tore them down and got rid of them.
Oh, and she also has these masks on the walls, little porcelain masks, and they’re always staring at me. Her whole room is full of things that stare and plot and judge. But the dolls were the worst, they wanted to do me harm.
I remember you telling me about her. Faces on the wall would be it for me. I couldn’t keep control of that. I might accidently trash her flat. Why do people do that? Her place sounds like a nightmare. Dolls are so yucky. The ones that really upset me are the talking barbie dolls. My kid sis had 5 of these vile plastic nasty things. There was another one where if you pull it’s head or something it’s hair would grow and shrink. What??? I have had issues with my kid sisters toys. I was SO happy when she got in to Leggo and Playdo.
At least she works in the mental healthcare field, so she tolerates my shenaniganry quite well. If I spend half an hour staring intensely at a pile of dolls, and panic when she walks in front of me, she doesn’t bat an eye. There was more to that night, I seem to have trouble whenever I go and visit her, possibly because of the scary stuff in the room, or maybe just because she’s “safe” and I can let go, I dunno. But I spent a while muttering nonsense to myself and rocking and all that fun stuff. Then her cat crawled into my lap and that kinda brought me back a little, I was able to focus on the cat and pet her until I calmed down. Yay for pet therapy!
I would go with that as the reason why. I get a little word salad and I bounce/ pace in circles and get my manic talking when I’m in a place where I feel safe. The brain doesn’t have to try and be good. So it just lets it’s hair down.
That’s weird that that happens. I’m not TRYING to, I guess it’s a subconscious thing. Whatever, it’s better than when I start behaving like that at a restaurant or something. I did hit myself, though, and the side of my head is still sore, so maybe a LITTLE more restraint would be good.
Even though I am somewhere safe, I still try to hold a non-manic non-delusional conversation. But sometimes it just comes out and I can’t stop it. Have you even been in tight shoes and when you take them off your toes uncurl and your feet just go… ahhhh 
My head will do that in some places.
I know the feeling, though it’s not really relaxing for me to get into that headspace. I’m usually scared and confused because if I “let it out” EVERYTHING gets worse, I start hallucinating more, my thoughts get more and more fragmented, and feeling my own thought processes break down is terrifying, I try to think to myself, “why can’t I think?” but when I try I can’t put the words together in my own head and I get even more scared, and it just snowballs. That’s the other reason I try to keep a lid on my symptoms, if I can suppress them, I don’t have to acknowledge them, and so I don’t get scared, which makes them worse, which makes me more scared, which makes them worse, and so on, and so on.
I know the feeling, though it’s not really relaxing for me to get into that headspace. I’m usually scared and confused because if I “let it out” EVERYTHING gets worse, I start hallucinating more, my thoughts get more and more fragmented, and feeling my own thought processes break down is terrifying, I try to think to myself, “why can’t I think?” but when I try I can’t put the words together in my own head and I get even more scared, and it just snowballs. That’s the other reason I try to keep a lid on my symptoms, if I can suppress them, I don’t have to acknowledge them, and so I don’t get scared, which makes them worse, which makes me more scared, which makes them worse, and so on, and so on.
I completely understand how that sort of snowball could really cause pain and panic. I have no idea why I’m not more upset by letting the mind just go sometimes. Maybe it’s a throw back from my acid days. Hallucinations? I have to just ride them out. Maybe I’m used to myself. As long as I don’t smell house fire smoke it will all be OK.
There was one therapist who recommended meditation… that was a hard core head circus. I was not ready to sit still and listen to my head. I can do it now a little better, but at that time… Oh no.
I wish I could come to terms with my symptoms like that. But while most of the time I can ignore or reject the bizarre thoughts and the sights and sounds that come from my head, if I get even just a little upset or scared, or apparently if I relax too much, my ability to manage goes right out the window and I’m gone until I calm down (which can sometimes be a while). So far I haven’t had any incidents that last for days, usually at least if I sleep I’ll feel better when I wake up, but even having control over my symptoms doesn’t make them go away entirely, and it’s stressful just to hear and see and think these things, even if they’re at a lower level.
I’ve tried meditation, it has a calming effect, but I can easily get too deep into it, which sets me off. I still do try to meditate if I need to calm down, though, because in moderation it’s fantastic.
1 Like