I’ve turned things around this year. I started strong going into thesis research and my thesis proposal just passed last Monday with minor revisions. It’s on a stigma intervention across different types of mental illness. I really do feel proud of that and my grades.
I’ve also gotten back into actual fitness, regular running and boxing and advanced calisthenics. I’m pretty built, I was a chain smoking bodybuilder before.
I cut back to one cig every morning with the patch. I can run again and I feel healthy. I’ve changed my diet dramatically. I cut back to only a morning mug of coffee and none of that energy drink and coffee chugging crap.
I have also matured from being promiscuous and or drinking a fair amount regularly (codependent relationship with an ex) to hanging out with my three more mature friends who are responsible adults. We workout and eat together and sometimes have a drink at a decent hour.
I still have chronic symptoms, but my meds really help. The mornings and nights are difficult but it’s being seen to with professional help.
I will be applying to seven Ph.D. programs and one Psy. D program very soon. All in clinical psychology. My research today is a mix between social and clinical psychology.
I just look back at when I was in hard times and it all seems alright. I’m here, I’m okay, I’m studying and exercising and still finding room for social interaction.
Today a girl I met at a Halloween party from last night who has bipolar with psychotic features, borderline personality and addiction called me in a state of crisis. I managed to use the skills I have been taught to make it manageable and she told me that she’s home and fine a couple hours ago. That makes me feel good, actually doing good not just doing well.
I just felt like sharing. I started out on the old forums asking newcomer questions and I’ve really changed when I look back. The people who know me personally, friends, family, doctors, they all have seen me change.
Managing my schizophrenia is still the hardest thing I have ever done and I do it every day and night. I am not trying to belittle this illness. My profile of symptoms is the treatable kind, and I am lucky to have responded to treatment.
And never compete with others–compete with yourself. That’s one thing I have learned. Also, even your greatest dreams may only be memories one day, to be real.
It’s been hell but I am proud to have made it this far. I want to go as far as possible because I know I can.
We should all be proud, we’re survivors.