I’m on friendly terms with the two security guards at work. I see them every time when I first arrive at work and when I leave and a dozen times in between. I think I amuse them. But they say nice things to me and really mean it. They give me a hard time sometimes but you have to take the good with the bad and when they give me hard time I just laugh it off and then they treat me even cooler.
One of them started calling me “Hollywood” because of my sunglasses. Then today I was near the janitors office and one guy was walking by and he stopped and asked if I’m OK and asked me if everything is alright. I could tell he was sincere. For a second I almost told him of my problems but I just said my usual, “I’m OK.”
I wasn’t tempted to mention schizophrenia at all but I kinda wished I would have told him how I’m really doing because I’m struggling and I would have liked to get it off my chest. I guess it was my stupid pride holding me back, but there’s been a few of the soldiers who sincerely care enough to try to be nice and lend an ear to my problems if I want to tell them.
But if I wasn’t nice and cool people wouldn’t be as nice as they are to me. I can thank my parents for that.
Warning: Male chauvinist pig alert**
One of the last things I did today was dust off the treadmills and weight machines. There was one soldier who I’m usually friendly with but we were kind of getting on each others nerves today while we both were in the gym. It led to a little staring and glaring. I don’t even know what really went wrong but there was also one of the woman soldiers working out who was about my age. I had never seen her work out before and she was wearing something that made her a little sexy looking to me. She’s almost always grumpy and short with me but after bugging that soldier I was feeling my oats and I started obviously checking her out. Not too much, but boy, for some reason she looked very appealing.
But then it stopped and I said something friendly to her but she just pointedly ignored me and looked mad and didn’t talk and I gathered that she doesn’t like me. It was really no big deal.Oh well, who cares? She’s never nice to me anyways and it just means one less Christmas card I have to send out this year. But man, it felt so good to still be turned on at age 58 and I felt a little alive and I felt like I was 17 again.
Hell, now I’m thinking of the “MeToo” movement. I didn’t stare too long or too intense it was just a few seconds.
