Schizophrenia.com

It is so hard for me to accept my schiz and relate to you guys

#1

It is hard because I have not had any psychosis symptoms for four years and have no voices. I do not experience paranoia even though i have paranoid schizophrenia. It is hard for me to relate to you guys. I do not understand why i feel this way. Hwever at the back of my mind i know it will happen again so I force myself to take them meds. I hate taking them like anything though. Dr said I could come off them in less than six months but if i start a new course then i think i will stick with my meds a little longer.

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#2

Being on here is a choice. If you feel you are wasting your time then you are doing yourself a disservice by staying here. Unless you mean that part of you thinks this site helps you or is good for you despite not relating. Maybe you’re on here because intellectually you know it’s good for you but you feel it doesn’t help. You must have some reason that you keep posting. If you keep coming back you must be getting something out of it.

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#3

It is easy to feel disconnected from those suffering severe symptoms. I know I have a hard time dealing with the shaman, telepahy, alien, bigfoot crowd here. When I was ill I’d fall into such unhealthy thinking but now it’s mostly just an embarrassment seeing such things being posted.

Remember though, you have as much a place here as any. This site is about schizophrenia and recovery. You’re further into recovery than some and that’s a good thing. We should strive to be like you and your presence here is a positive influence.

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#4

The truth is you can relate better than most. You were once actively psychotic so you know what it is like to be going through that. You said you know in the back of your mind it is still part of you; you have compartmentalized it into a part of you rather than “you”.

You’ve been on both sides now and it is hard to cope with at times. You are no longer experiencing some symptoms but you know they are there and you are not like “normal” people and probably never will be like “normal” people.

It can be hard to read some of the things here and be reminded of your past but like malvok said you being here is beneficial to others. I won’t ask you to make that sacrifice I think you should do what is best for you and your well-being that is the point of this to me. It is easy to forget that when we feel better, there are people who are still going through what we just came out of, we want to help but it is dangerous to our health in some ways.

Ish I am happy you feel well and I am not trying to guilt you by saying these things. I am just saying whether you go or stay you serve as an example that people can improve we can get better. Whether we saying “look at Ish’s posts, Ish got better and so can I/you/we” or “Take Ish for example, Ish got better and does not need this support group anymore, isn’t that our goal?”.

I hope you stay healthy and wish you luck Ish.

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#5

i know what you mean, i find it hard to relate with lots people here as well, i just try and use my previous experiences to help because i have been stable for so long. i’m usually positive when i write tho and i know most people with sz are in a dark place so i just try to shine some light into that dark place if i can because i know i would like someone to do that for me, a bit of encouragement is good as well.

i think it is risky stopping meds tho and i know i would never be able to survive without them, i tried stopping them once but it did not work out so i take my meds religiously, i keep thinking that maybe one day i could do it but i will probably be taking them for life.

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#6

Thank you all for your answers. I just want to say I am not about to leave I get a lot of support from you guys. I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia. I know I have that diagnosis and I know i have it. i know that it will happen to me again. That is why i continue to take meds. I just find it hard to accept that fully. When I was working in a mental health inpatient ward, I couldn’t relate even then. I know one of the symptoms is also denial.

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#7

Anosognosia or lack of insight can look like denial however it is different. Denial is a choice where as lack of insight is not something that is done on purpose.

Just wanted to add my thoughts that you are a valuable member of this community.

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#8

Even during my onset and my worst of my delusions, I never got aliens, shamans, angles, time travelers either. I got kidnappers. When I’m in my SZ group and other are talking about their religious experiences and the devil, I could never relate. When I was trying to tell everyone about the kidnappers they couldn’t relate.
I figured it was just as personal as meds. Perception is very personal.

I’m glad your on the boards. I too might question my meds… why take meds when your not sick? But two months ago or so my meds got changed up and I crumbled with in a month. Ending with a big psychotic episode.

I really have no idea how I didn’t end up back in hospital… yes I do, I have a kick butt kid sister who saved my head and kept me safe and was able to get me to a doctor the very next morning and get me stabilized and calmed down.

So when I look at my med cocktail and think to myself “Why am I doing this?” I just think about two months ago and what I’ve got at stake and remember… “Oh yeah, that’s why.”

I’m glad your further on your recovery. I hope to catch up to you.

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#9

Why would you be embarrassed by others that have worse symptoms than you? That’s like the guy with one arm being embarrassed by the guy with no arms.

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#10

Because I’ve had those same thoughts myself. As much as I know I was not responsible for my illness, I am still deeply ashamed and embarrassed by much of what I’ve thought and done.

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#11

If you had voices that wouldn’t go away then you can relate. Meds worked perfect for me. But I didn’t take good care of myself for a lot of years and now they don’t work as well. Or maybe its just because I’ve been on them for so long. If you ever try to quit make sure you got some saved and so if you start hearing voices you can go back on them immediately instead of waiting for a Dr. visit and then going to get the meds.

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#12

Not everyone is going to be symptom free. Some will write about their beliefs and delusions. One can either join right in, or ignore. Insulting those that are struggling is pointless and can do more harm than good. This is after all a site for those afflicted with Schizophrenia and their supporters. I choose to be supportive not destructive - If I wronged in the past. I am learning.

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#13

Hmmm if i came across as being insulting that wasn’t my intention. i was merely expressing how I felt.

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#14

I am in remission, I don’t have symptoms anymore since I found the right meds, so I kind of know what you mean, ish. However, I have been psychosis free for less than a year, not four years like you, so it’s all still fresh on my mind. I like to share what helped me recover on this site, as I very recently recovered and I feel obligated to do my best to help other people with schizophrenia. I also have questions of my own, usually about lifestyles or psychological components of schizophrenia (trauma caused by psychosis really interests me, I think the most traumatic moments of my life were during psychotic episodes).

But about coming off of meds- I am no doctor, but I have heard that you shouldnt quit meds because you feel better; the meds are making you feel better. Again, just sharing my opinion, I am no MD, but I have experienced relapses before and I wouldnt want you to experience one.

I had a relapse when I tried Latuda instead of Geodon and another one when I skipped my morning meds one day. Both were close calls, I just wanted to die and I had to remind myself that I wasnt going to permanently solve a temporary problem.

I have found that relapses coming off of meds brought back psychosis worse than it ever was before. I was a complete mess when I relapsed due to not having enough Geodon in my blood, and before meds I kept relatively composed throughout psychotic episodes.

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#15

[quote=“mortimermouse, post:14, topic:2952”] you shouldnt quit meds because you feel better; the meds are making you feel better. Again, just sharing my opinion.
[/quote]
I know that fully well but theres that little part of me that finds it hard to accept that too because its been so long. I am going to continue taking it until the drs themselves feel its time I come off. I don’t want to risk coming off while I’m making such major changes in my life anyway.

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