So I have a schizophrenia diagnosis. But I do feel more that I have schizotypal disorder with OCD. So I have never heard woices, like say sounding like other people. Instead I have this renegade internal voice that I quarrel with alot. This has gotten pretty bad sometimes, and I even have in the past (pre medication), quarreled with it out loud in public. And hitting myself to make it stop.
Its been a while now. But when I had it at the worst, it was like Satan implanted thougts in me, in order for god to send me to hell, and also mess up the health and well being of my loved ones. So I would get this inner voice saying I love Satan , give my gf cancer etc, and I thougt god was listening in on this, and that god wasnt able to distinquish this voice from my will. So In order for god not to mistake me for that voice, I would try and bargain with god not to listen to my thougts. But all the while I saw signs that god was listening into my thougts. It was like a running commentary where I saw messages from god on booktitles in the library, on ads on tv etc. I was so freaking messed up I Prayed several hundred times aday, if not thousands. I wish I was excaggerating but unfortunately not.
Does this sound like schizophrenia? I have the diagnosis, but I always felt that it could be “just” really bad OCD.
Seeing coded messages from God everywhere sounds a lot like schizophrenia. I used to think the government was sending me messages through the TV and in magazines and stuff. Your inner voice sounds more like intense intrusive thoughts than hallucinations, but a lot of us here have those too. They feed into your paranoia of always being watched by God. So it’s possible you have some OCD mixed in there as well, but we aren’t doctors, so we don’t know. If you do have intrusive thoughts, you should try CBT or biofeedback. Doctors usually prescribe antidepressants, but for those of us with psychosis, that’s not really an option.
What helped me with intrusive thoughts was learning that we all have terrible thoughts that pass through our minds sometimes. It happens to 100% of people, so if an omnipotent God can read our thoughts, chances are he already knows about this weird fact of people. Having those thoughts doesn’t make you bad, and it doesn’t mean you really feel that way. So don’t try to fight against the thoughts. When they happen, just say to yourself, “this is a random thought just passing through my head. It has no meaning.” Then just let it drift away without paying extra attention to it.