im not really sure how to even start this, as I don’t really want to and have talked to very few people about it, and even then I definitely didn’t bring up everything that I wanted to… first of all, I am a 17 year old female. I am not diagnosed with schizophrenia, although I have many reasons to believe I could be. first off, my grandpa, and 2 of my uncles had been diagnosed, one uncle being a paranoid schizophrenic, you could barely have a conversation with him… not a logical one.
getting more into whats going on with me, I have always for as long as I can remember dealt with depression and anxiety. I could never get away from it, no matter what meds I tried or anything. about a year ago I quit taking my anti depressants cold turkey and haven’t been back on them since. although I still have troubles with anxiety and depression, I feel as though ive grown out of it a lot - especially in the last 2 months, but now that im ‘away’ from depression in a sense, I feel like other issues are surfacing, some just getting worse, along with new ones coming… my anxiety is still there, but the circumstances that I worry about are different, less logical… and even though i don’t feel depressed anymore, when i get into a state of sadness, my instant thoughts are ‘im going to kill myself.’ even if the problem isn’t THAT bad… i cant hold very good conversations anymore. i cant talk about things that bother me. my focus is pretty much gone, i have to ask you to repeat many many things. its easier for me to text people because i can recall what was said and i can sit and think about what im going to say next vs. sitting there with a blank face asking ‘what did you say?’ every 5 seconds while also trying to figure out what I’M gonna say next. i often go through phases (time ranging from just a few minutes up to a few hours) where i just feel nothing. it comes and goes, and ill have no emotion to anything. when im not having an episode like this, my emotions are WACK. i will laugh/cry/get angry/sad at inappropriate times… i cry allllll the time.
once again im not sure how to word this, this is one of my biggest issues… i wouldn’t say i hear another voice, because its not like i hear someone else. its like my own thoughts, except i have more dominant thoughts (the ones i make and control, the things i purposely think about) and then i have a secondary thought, which is also my thoughts, except i cant control it. its not too big of an issue, besides when im nervous and with other people, because then i get very scared that they can read my mind…it pretty much goes like this, my secondary thoughts (the ones i cant control) will be thinking of something that whoever i am with, will find very unpleasant, it will upset or hurt them… while my primary thoughts are attempting to push those ones away. they will both be going at once, all in the meantime i am terrified that who im with can hear everything. i understand how crazy it sounds, and im also completely aware that they cant hear my thoughts… ( or can they? 
) ill sit and debate it with myself, like okay they can hear me but they don’t want me to know it, so anything i try to do to prove that they cant, ill just get no reaction because their goal is to never let me know that they can actually hear me. i also constantly think people are talking badly about me. i don’t like it when my boyfriend is texting anybody. and when i mean anybody, i mean anyone. simply for the fact that i feel like hes just sitting there going on and on about me negatively…
i on a regular basis smell and taste things very strongly that nobody else can.
ive only ever once heard a voice when i was completely alone, and that was recently. something happened that upset me, i know i shouldn’t have felt this way about it but i did, my instant reaction was im going to kill myself, im walking to the interstate and im jumping off of it. i left my house and vs walking west, i walked south. i went to my best friends old vacant house who had moved far away about 7 months ago… i spent some time there calming myself down. its about a mile out of town, and when i was walking back, all by my lonesome, i heard a woman tell me ‘good girl, good girl’… i haven’t heard voices since…
i know i typed a fricken novel, thank you to anyone who reads it all and has any feedback… i kinda would like some tips though, as i feel myself gradually slipping more and more, im pretty f uckin terrified…
Welcome to the forums. What you describe could be schizophrenia or something else entirely. Only a doctor can tell you what problem you are afflicted by, and only after running a complete series of diagnostic tests. This could turn out to be something less serious and more treatable so try not to get hung up on a specific label. Even if it is schizophrenia, that’s a diagnosis that isn’t given immediately as it takes time to determine.
If it is schizophrenia, the sooner you get treatment, the better the likely outcome. Good luck! You’ll definitely want to see a doctor rather than getting diagnosed by Internet strangers. 
Pixel.
Volunteer moderator.
Hey I read it all! 
what pixel said is very true. Don’t diagnose yourself over the Internet and do not ask strangers to diagnose you as well. Go to a psychiatrist, it’s their field of expertise.
I know it’s scary. But since you have family with sz you probably know its scarier if untreated. And that goes for all illnesses. Whatever your diagnosis may be.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Go see your Dr and show him/her what you typed.
Depression can also has some psychosis symptoms
go asap get help
Hey.
I can relate to you in a lot of ways with the depression( I was severely depressed when I was younger) and the anxiety, I’ve always had it. And the problem ur having with ur thoughts that you feel you don’t really have control of, I have that issue too. Also when I first got sick I thought my ex was reading my mind. Idk how I got over that delusion but every little thing that happened would reassure me that he was reading my mind and the thought just grew into more and more paranoia. It’s tricky to help someone with delusions because they typically can’t truly be talked out of it by someone else.
I do hear voices all the time and I’ve been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I was diagnosed at ur age, I’m 23 now. My advice is to write down in bullet points or something ur main issues and concerns and go see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist will be able to help you and diagnose you eventually and give you answers.
You’re gonna be ok though! And please don’t kill yourself. just try and get some help.
Thank you! And also, I guess I should have added this, I don’t think I’ll kill myself. Honestly, ever… Unless I were to ever get to a point I wasn’t in control anymore. But I just feel like I’ve gotten through that part of my life at a real young age. I just can’t knock the idea of suicide. Even when I know it isn’t ideal… I just feel like I’m battling someone else… I’m having troubles explaining this
I know what you mean. I am about a year older than you and feel a similar way. Almost as if I have no idea where I am or what is going on, like I’m fighting for nothing. But, that isn’t true. I hope all is well for you, mate. Take care.
Gotta love that Brown kool aide uhh guys?
And what exactly do you mean by that?
I would like to congratulate you on your courage and strengths first. That being said,pursue your passions. Chase for what you believe in. Know that it will always get better.even in the darkest parts of this world,there will always be that light. That light will always shine brighter. You will always shine brighter.
Extra sensory perception or esp is like a gift. Your senses is just changing which is good.that’ll explain the?why do I taste metallic paint?
We obviously can’t diagnose you but my experience is somewhat similar in terms of having the feeling that others can read your mind. I would be surprised if it’s not common with simply anxiety as well because I think it’s very natural for a person to assume that others can tell that they’re in distress, and that’s just one step away from feeling like they can read your mind. Just my opinion.
If it ever gets bad to the point that you do hear voices all the time and have serious delusions, know that meds can give you a comfortable life without the voices. They won’t remove the mental trauma and subconscious fears and struggle, but they can make you feel like it’s not even there. I had a terrible psychotic break with a suicide attempt in the end and meds (along with sarcosine) allow me to work full time and enjoy my hobbies. I’m sure people at work can tell something is wrong with me (at least I get the feeling they can) but that doesn’t bother me much.
Don’t be afraid to see a doctor… I wish I did before i became psychotic like my parents wanted me to - the earlier a person is diagnosed and treated, the less damage the illness does to them and their personality.
It’s term My friend used to use to refer to thought broadcasting (People Hearing your Thoughts) Is that still a problem for you?
yes. it’s still a problem.
intrusive thoughts have been getting worse lately too. death and murder and suicide and just weird things. my thoughts are often lies. 
Can I PM you? Just wanted to ask you some in depth questions about it IE what you experiences with this and what not?
yes go ahead
1515
Looking back at my first episode. There was a small window of time were I actually thought I might be loosing it. Unfortunately I asked b the wrong person for advice and they assured that I was ok. I then rapidly went down hill and then no need one could convince me that I was sick. It took 3 episodes and 10 years to get back to the point of a realization that I was sick and absolutely needed medication. Don’t assume that in a week you will be willing to see a doctor. Make an appointment as soon as possible outpatient is much better than waiting to long and being hospitalized. I wish you well. Also be patient with the meds if you’re doctor prescribes takes time.