Is it selfish to withdraw when you're out of spoons?

I don’t know if anyone here has heard of the spoon theory, but basically it’s a simple analogy where spoons is the amount of mental surplus you have to handle the tasks and sensory input of the day.

Today I’m out of spoons. My bro wants me to play computer games with him and stay up late, and entertain him while he works until late in the evening.
I just want to sit in bed and watch stupid tik tok compilations until my eyes start buzzing.

Is that selfish of me?
I should be there for him, right?
I should try harder? Maybe if I push past the fatigue, I’ll get second wind?


You are allowed to say you don’t feel up to it tonight. I think people are too hard on themselves and label self care as being selfish.

If you’re in the mood, maybe compromise and give him a little bit of your time, but set a clear boundary that you don’t feel up to spending the whole night playing games and keeping him busy.

You are allowed to decide how you want to spend your time.

Just out of curiosity, did your brother move to Greece with you? I’m glad you have someone you know for support. Sorry if that’s too personal of a question.


Yeah, he did. It’s been an adjusment for the both of us, and we’re still finding our rhythm.

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Don’t stay up late with SZ. You will regret it the next day.

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Don’t burn yourself out. If you’re tired get some rest.


I agree. My hallucinations are always worse when I’m tired.


I always think you got to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else.


It’s not selfish to veg out for a little while after working.

When I was 16 I worked as a prep cook at a summer camp for children infected with HIV. I’d work from 6 AM to 2 PM. When I got home at 2:15 my dumbass ex friend would be at my house wanting to do something. He didn’t have to work then. Long story short I suffered because I was too scared to say No. Took me a long time to learn how to be assertive but it’s worth it in the end.

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I don’t think it’s selfish at all. Everyone deserves the right to say “no” when it may be in your best interest.

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I think “dumbas*” friends are the only kind there are. In my drug days when I was living by myself, I had to be to work at 6:00 am, 5 days a week. None of my friends worked and they were coming over almost every night, at all hours of the night. They would wake me to go get drunk, or smoke crack and go to clubs. I couldn’t say no either and eventually it cost me my job because I was only getting four or five hours of sleep every night. Those were the good old days.

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Sorry for weighing late, just spotted this. I’d say you’re doing a good job of managing your mental health. Recommend journaling this so that you can spot patterns over time.

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I believe in the power of No.
Being able to say no for yourself when needed is a good thing.

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