Anyone else get frequent obsessive thoughts about hurting/torturing/killing other people? And get furiously unreasonably angry over very minor infractions or over things that aren’t an infraction at all that exacerbate these thoughts? (I.e. There being a lot of people on the bus or there being some people ahead of you in line) Also many times even when I am not angry at all, I will just get the fantasies walking by people on the street, of doing horrible things to these people I don’t even know, who did nothing to me…
It started when I was 17 and just seems to get worse and worse over time. All my life I have been a very slow to anger, very peaceful/gentle person. Extremely so, according to other people as well as myself. But it seems after my first major psychotic episode something just snapped and my brain changed to this horrible aggressive thing…
Antidepressants I distinctly remember curbing this aggression and greatly reducing the obsessive violent thoughts/unreasonable rage. I can’t wait to start back on them. I just have to make it through finals so I can start…
But yeah it’s incredibly distressing. I know I posted about it before but I’m not sure if I mentioned the extent.
I used to think I was never capable of hurting anyone. I still strongly don’t want to ever hurt anyone and never have. But I am terrified someday the rage will overtake me and I will lash out. I think this now because I almost attacked a girl who yelled at me because I had to push my way off the bus once due to it being very crowded. I lunged at her and then immediately corrected myself, jerking back and keeping my distance, though the anger inside me was so extreme it lasted the rest of the day.
Yes I can identify with this very much. And when someone sits next to me on the tram and continually touches me with their elbows. God I hate that. It drives me nertz.