As someone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, I face living in an alternate world. That doesn’t mean that my memory is no good. In fact, I remember more than most. I remember the stories I hear from other worlds, dimensions and gateways. I remember my understanding of them and the train of thought that once led me to believe. I remember the feelings that swell inside me from my encounters. Feelings that are much to often misunderstood by others. I try not to forget anything. I try to remember the exact words that stream out of your mouth, so that I can recall them later and analyse them further. I remember people so well that I can hear them speak to me even when they’re not around. And yes, I can remember the story that normal people believe too. Some people think that because I’m part of those other worlds it means I can’t participate in their world. They try to medicate me, to keep me in one reality, theirs. Yet if they only could see the beauty that I have seen when I venture with my mind. If only they could feel the joy as I travel in these worlds simultaneously. I can hold more than one conversation at a time, I can be in two places at once. It is like magic hearing a wealth of information flowing into me. Stories of our beginning and stories of other worldly beings. There is sci-fi, adventure, horror and thrillers. My stories can bring laughter and joy. A show in my mind that is never ending.
I feel like a stream that refreshes on a hot summer day. However, that stream can flood, I know it can. It can flood so bad, that I overflow the riverbanks in which my family stands on. Yet when a river floods, people don’t say to the river, stop being a river. They find ways to work with the river, just as it is. I don’t want to flood, nor do I want to spend my life worrying that I will one day flood. Flooding is just a reality of people with schizophrenia. That doesn’t mean that I want to stop being a river, I enjoy my stories and I know that you could to. I want people to hear these stories so I can share a bit of that beauty that I find in other worlds. Perhaps, just like me, they can learn from them. I say, build your channels to guide my river but don’t dry me out. Because I won’t be there to refresh you one day, when you need a good story, a good movie, and a good laugh.
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