Does anyone else do this? Whenever I make a mistake, I keep saying out loud, “Ninjastar, you’re a garbage person. You’re the worst. Everything you do sucks.” Sometimes the words vary, but the sentiment is always the same. Mr. Star asked why I do that to myself, and it made me think about it. I guess I do it because it makes me feel bad, and I think I deserve to feel bad for doing something wrong. It also takes the pressure off my mistake, because if I’m a bad person, then I’m just expected to make mistakes and I don’t have to work to fix them. Insulting myself is less scary than putting in the work to fix what I did.
He asked me to stop, because he said it’s unproductive to keep wallowing in misery. He helped me come up with an alternate narrative. Now, I have to work on saying, “I did something wrong. Those were my actions, and I am responsible for them. I have taken all the steps I can to correct my mistake. Those were also my actions. My mistakes do not determine my value as a person.”
It helps a lot. It reminds me that shame is an unproductive emotion, and I don’t need to accept it into my life. I can make mistakes and still be a good person. Making a mistake doesn’t forfeit my right to be treated like a person. I just need to own my mistakes, and do what it takes to make things right.
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It very common @Ninjastar Manny people I know do this, they always say ■■■■ like that.
Even if they are very capable when they did something they think its wrong they say this
It’s not very good in long term because it might make the person feeling not worthy
I’m glad your husband helped you
Funny story: I thought before meds that I’m not normal because I never say I’m stupid when I do something wrong so I started saying this to myself, it was intrusive thoughts. But lucky it didn’t stick with me
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I say out loud “I hate you” to myself fairly frequently. It’s the worst habit ever but I can’t break it. It usually happens when I feel guilty. I’ve tried substituting in “I’m sorry” but it only works sometimes. Every time I do anything wrong I start thinking nobody likes you nobody loves you just go die sea
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This resonates a lot. One of my “sticky” narratives excuses and/or expects bad behavior. I never quite thought about it as you described. I hope talk therapy can help for me, but it takes so long to bring people up to speed. Perhaps that rings true for a lot of people.
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I’m either telling myself I’m effing useless or railing at God for not giving a crap about me
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Mt. Star sounds very supportive. Glad you have someone like that in your life. Hope the positive selftalk helps you. Good luck.
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I used to joke about being a failure. And then I got fired. So, I figure that joking had become an excuse for not working to improve. So the joking stopped. But, in my family, failure was my name and my identity. It’s work to overcome this. Failure is painful anyway and pain is no joking matter.
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