Insight then no insight

I have bipolar I or II. I am sure it is bipolar I because my psychiatrist wrote “episodes of mania” despite my last “manic episode” occurring years ago. I have it with psychotic features. I was initially diagnosed with psychotic depression. As it turns out, I am not crazy “all of the time.” I have studied psychiatric illnesses and am well-versed with neuroscience because I find it fascinating. Sometimes I feel as if there is no way in hell that I suffer from psychosis because I can identify what is going on, but it is strange. I have awful paranoia that sometimes disables me and overwhelms me with anxiety. Other times, I still have those thoughts yet I do not care at all.
I know that I am being delusional, yet I believe it. I cannot fathom this at all, so I need a second opinion. I know that imagining that there are ghosts preying on me, believing in invisible people, believing in mind reading, panicking when I hear my thoughts being spoken aloud, and many more are perhaps figments of my imagination and yet I believe them. I am insightful yet I believe it all. Is this impossible? Conversely, there are times when I completely believe my delusions yet some time after I have a moment of “reawakening” and I am capable of identifying the wrongs. I would not say that I am psychotic at the moment. All I do nowadays is have hallucinations and weird sensations that nothing is real. I am on aripiprazole so I guess I will be fine.
Am I really weird or what?

No, this doesn’t sound weird to me. Especially considering you have bipolar and not schizophrenia.

PS: if you have psychosis when not in a mood episode, schizoaffective might be closer to what you’re experiencing.

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Question: are people suffering from schizoaffective or schizophrenia able to sometimes be “normal?” (complex question) As in, have hardly any symptoms for some time?

You’re not weird. You may not be fully diagnosed yet but you don’t sound weird or extremely different from others. I have schizoaffective and I dont have mania, although I had one dr see my paranoia and anxiety and he called that mania. My current dr doesn’t think I have mania. But I’m still diagnosed schizoaffective, depressive type as I do have problems with depression. So I relate to you. I don’t think you’re weird at all.

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Not weird, I’m SZA depressive and my psychotic symptoms wax and wane none congruently to my mood symptoms. I can feel psychosis while euthymic, my mood only changes the content of my hallucinations, picking on me or feeding me grandeur.

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Yes, as long as you meet the diagnostic criteria. The symptoms have to be present for most of the time for the duration criterion, which I think is 1 month in the DSM 5.

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I am psychotic even when apathetic or mildly depressed, but it is not as bad as it is when I am full-blown depressed. It is more-so “schizotypal-like” around those intervals. I had depression for years before emerging as “bipolar.” I had psychosis for over 6 months before being diagnosed and placed on antipsychotics.

All of the psychosis that I have had has nothing much to do with my mood. It is just strange.

I am 17 and female (I probably lied about my age on registration). I think that I am a little bit too young for schizoaffective.

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You may be bipolar like your dr said. He knows better than me. But side note, you’re not too young for schizoaffective

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Something I like to keep in mind. I’ve gotten different diagnoses over the years. Doctors can’t quite agree on my Dx.

Whats important is controlling the symptoms, not the name. If you hallucinate, then that needs to be stopped if it can, if you have mood symptoms, they need to be regulated.

It’s the symptoms that suck, not the name of the diagnosis.

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They are quite similar, bipolar (psychotic) and schizoaffective. Psychosis is prominent in my gene pool.

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I used to think that hallucinations were the worst. The delusions and paranoia are far worse. It is tragic potentially becoming suicidal over something that may not even be real.

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Insight, it’s very important, cultivation of that is immensely helpful.

And agreed. When I hallucinate, but can tell it’s not real, when I have insight, it isn’t a huge issue. When I lose insight and the delusions that the hallucinations are real start to confuse me, make me fearful, turn me against the world, that’s when it’s dangerous.

Do you have a crisis plan Incase that happens?

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I am in an earlier stage of psychosis I presume. My psychiatrist told me that I can recover if I am treated now. According to him, it was not “full-blown” yet. My plan… well I am on antipsychotics. They have been beneficial, truly. I am on aripiprazole (2mg) at the moment, to eventually increase to around 15mg. I still feel like my usual eccentric self.

I just got onto 10mg abilify. It seems to be a good drug. My voices are quiet today, and my mood is great.

Stick with the meds, they just keep helping.

Something else that has helped me is CBT therapy, it’s helped me reframe some of my thought processes, made it easier to deal.

Wishing you luck @Evilkid! Seems even you need it sometimes, :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::llama:

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If this wasn’t the way we are, we would be at college studying brain rather than taking medication :smiley:

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Thanks so much. I tend to adhere to common antipsychotics in order to make excuses that I am taking them for something else.
I guess I do, haha.

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If I did not have ADHD or disorganized thinking, I would be in International Baccalaureate.

There is schizoaffective mixed type which is the dx I primarily had before being switched to a personality disorder dx in 2005. Fast forward and I’m now back with the schizoaffective dx.

Schizoaffective disorder mixed type

In this type, you have psychotic symptoms with both manic and depressive symptoms. However, The psychotic symptoms are independent and not necessarily related to the bipolar disorder symptoms.

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