I go through periods where I am in Denial.
I sometimes go through phases where I will downplay the severity of my mental illness.
I ask myself, Can I lower my Risperidone dose?
Maybe the psychiatrists got it all wrong?
Maybe I’m not as ill as others make me out to be … and the self questioning goes on.
I was just placed in the Psych Hospital twice within a month, you would think that I learned my lesson.
Anosognosia fits what I’m currently going through.
Does anyone else get this way?
I think most do, think deep inside we hope it has gone away. For some they are unable to grasp the insight. Part of the illness is some refuse to come back
I fight an inner fight every day to take my meds, one side saying I don’t need them, I’m fine, the other side saying of course you need them, and even if you don’t, is it worth the risk that you might? Hope that makes sense.
Well, I was thinking about this recently. I.e. Maybe I don’t need meds anymore. When the meds are working, which they currently are, I think maybe I don’t need them. It’s a subtle trap though.
What makes it especially dangerous for me, is I suffer serious lack of insight when I’m ill and off meds.
I always seem to get a reminder that I have a mental illness as soon as I start to think I’m just like everyone else. It could be a bizarre thought or a flashback to an episode. It’s taken me 15 years to accept that if I want to stay out of the hospital I have to take medication. My real hope is that they’ll come out with medication that doesn’t have the side effects of the current drugs and then it won’t be such a struggle to take the stuff. In the meantime I just do what I can do and accept that I have certain limitations that the meds place on me.
I feel like sometimes other people just don’t understand the extent of this illness that I have. I am lucky though. My brother and 2 cousins have MS, so I am rationally okay with taking medicine for the rest of my life. My uncle had SZ and was an alcoholic, so I know how awful this disease can get if not treated properly.
Maybe look at yourself as someone who will need to be on meds for the rest of your life just like others with less stigmatized diseases like MS or ALS. Stephen Hawking takes medication, so we can too!
I sometomes think that way. I take Risperdal and I’ve been taking a lower dose than prescribed for about 8 months now and nothing’s happened.
My first diagnosis, by an ER psychiatrist, was psychosis-NOS and he said that the wrong medications I was prescribed (Dexedrine) caused my psychotic symptoms. Then later a different psychiatrist, who I’ve been stuck with/following up since I was discharged from hospital, said I “most likely have schizophrenia.” Although I know I need to be on meds, I like to think my first diagnosis (psychosis-NOS) is correct, and maybe I don’t necessarily have schizophrenia - even if it’s primarily the word choice that differs.
Don’t worry. I was once hospitalized inpatient twice in the same day. I pretty much spend the entire spring and summer in various hospitals in my area. I learned to go back and forth with my docs. Most of them want to keep the conversation short and sweet so they can move on. Just keep talking. I have multiple severe mental illnesses. I just gotta keep trying to get better. Nobody can really understand how hard it is to go through what we do. I guess that’s what makes us some BAMF sometimes.
Sometimes I think I can skip my meds and be OK. It takes some convincing from my partner to get me to take my pills every day.
I totally fall in that trap Everytime . Even if I’m scimping on my meds I start to question my diagnosis. But when I’m well and on my meds I know I’m sz and a lifer at that. Once in the hospital I refused my meds for several days. Wisely my doc didn’t force them on me. I soon was in a very strange state of mind lots of really crazy characters interacting with me. Some of which I think we’re all in my mind. I came to the point I was begging for meds. I was hearing lots of conversation that I now doubt took place. So I try to look back at this time were I couldn’t blame it on the meds because I hadn’t taken any for a month or so. But even experiencing this I know if I went off my meds I would at some point question my illness. Sometimes I just have to bring up my doubt to my wife , she can be helpful in reminding me what’s at steak going off my meds.
I end up having a relapse every time I go there. I don’t know how to stop it from happening. I took myself off meds for just over a week and still not stabilised. I need to up the dose now so will have to approach doctors gain :-/
I hear that is that is common to believe in the mentally ill. Just don’t stop meds to find out. It’s tempting but you just have to put your faith in the system. If not get a second opinion or a third until your sure it’s not a mistake. Ask them why they’re sure you’re sick. Hope this helps!
I don’t think others got it wrong… I think sometimes I got it wrong or am blowing my symptoms out of proportion.
I think the same thing and then I remember how I thought aliens were dissecting my brain while I was laying on a gurney in the psych ward. Or thinking that some stranger who worked st Starbucks put poison in my latte for a group of guys in AA.
That’s usually when I call it a day and go home and take my damn meds
A lot of the time i think im normal. Which is probably not true. Idk what i am anymore
When I am on my meds and stable for a long time I often get it into my head that I never had sz in the first place or any illness, that I was faking it. Then I get tempted to go off my meds. Happened a few times more often than not and I always relapsed and sometimes went to hospital as well. Hard lesson to learn! And now I’m in a stable phase and starting the denial all over again. Sigh!
I started Seroquel recently and have now stopped taking it.
I did feel less delusion prone whilst taking it, and had a miniature psychosis coming off it, and that was after only a week. Lots of side effects from day 1.
I think I could take meds if I really had to but I am not sure I could work my job doing that, as it was damn near impossible to sleep and wake up when I wanted to.
On the plus side my mood now is better than it was before, and the twitching/jerking has stopped.
I think quite a lot of us,at some time or other, question whether we are ill. I think if you are doing ok on meds some times you can get to thinking “Well I have always been this way,so why do I need the meds?” My nurse practitioner said this is an all too common reason for people stopping meds.