I'm such an idiot - my pdoc seems disappointed

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Saw my pdoc today and when he found out I wasn’t taking all my meds doses as prescribed, it turned out he couldn’t do anything for me. Said I must first take doses properly.

I was taking all my meds doses properly except instead of 500mg amisulpride, I just took 400mg as per my old dose. And took 7,5mg mirtazapine only as needed, not every night.

He said if I was doing well on amisulpride he would have tried lowering my haloperidol and if I did well on mirtazapine he could lower my citalopram.

Now because of me he’s delayed for one month. He made me promise to take all my meds as prescribed - including 500mg amisulpride and the mirtazapine (which I realised does help me at night with sleep and hence preventing paranoia) and I said yes I will

I felt so terribly guilty - and the worst is he said the increase in amisulpride was because I suggested it! I’m an idiot a real damn idiot.

I asked him does taking more meds make me sicker and he said no, but the more I play with meds, the more meds I got to take. He’s trying to keep me on the meds that help the best and taking me off all extra meds that aren’t necessary. I was the problem

When will I ever learn??? It’s so hard, I feel like giving up. This constant not understanding I’m mentally ill, just thinking it’s stress…and the lure of psychosis and…missing Sarah…and disliking taking so many meds. I’m all tangled up!

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You’re not an idiot. Things like this happen all the time.

Don’t be hard on yourself and just work with your pdoc.

You’ll get there.

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Staying med-compliant is not always easy. Don’t beat yourself up and try to move forward from here.

:heart:

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That’s why I went on depot for psych meds. I’d quite often forget to take oral psych meds. Since the falls I have 9 pills to take. My (s)/daughter puts them in dosette boxes . If I was to forget to take too many doses she’d step in and do what’s needed.

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Injection is definitely the way to go if you can’t be med compliant. I wish they had shots for ADs and told my therapist this.

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They do have AD injections but they are usually from the older type ADs like imipramine

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I should clarify that I wish for Wellbutrin to have injection.

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You have it harder here than alot of people i feel. Its easy to sense

But, never ever feel like you dissapointing any pdoc under the sun. They are not these special beings that " know it all " This is a trial and error and more importantly a fight that we Have to do

They take chances, they experiment, the window is truly grade 12 status. Infact i dont even think there is a window.

You need to watch the depression. Its impossible to beat SZ if we depressed. When it hits me, i put every single thing i have into making sure the depression is at bay and ill make it.

Often Pdocs focus so hard on SZ they miss the fundamentals of the reason we keep falling into it.

I wish you the best, you truly deserve it. If i could say my 3 cent piece of shite is focus hard on the depression :slight_smile:

Good luck

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I agree with @anon51252808 pdocs are not magical fixers.

they just try what they think has worked on others and change meds until they find a good regimen

hope you get to a good amount of meds not to many to help

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I’d like to say well done for being 100% honest with your psychiatrist though. A month’s delay is nothing.

Keep taking the meds as prescribed. And keep being honest with them.

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