It has made me aware. My father ran away in his mind and never knew the difference. I wasn’t even a person to him.
Why do you say that? Maybe he wasn’t able to communicate it, does that mean the potential never existed? A lot of aspects of this disorder have psychological roots. I also wonder that it is more behaviorally inherited. I hope you can forgive him of his illness. I struggle too with it, because I can’t hold my mother accountable for her actions. Her random rants and outbursts are not that severe anymore. She went through a very rapid crisis that has finally seemed to abate. She has less and less delusions as time goes on. I’m starting to question whether or not medication would have helped more or the stability at home. She went from hating me to loving me, but now more than ever I know she cares.
I say it because my father was a violent bully who treated caring with sarcasm. He was too comfortable in his own world to change. His wife took care of him completely. He lapped it up like a dog.
My dad wasn’t too violent I mean like 3-4 times he smacked me in the head but not hard and I could tell that he couldn’t help it.
The hardships of his life along with the illness jaded him to where he doesn’t believe in God or anything really.
So now he’s elderly and his health is going down hill to where he hates every moment of his life I think more so because he doesn’t have anything to look forward to.
I use to blame my illness on him but I’ve since changed.
That sucks it was hard for you.