TLDR; I’m hallucinating more often (24/7) and my paranoid thinking has increased to more bizarre plots to say, am I developing schizophrenia? my mother has it and my uncle and I’m scared I have it for reference I just turned 18 in June 2022
First off I BPD (borderline personality disorder) and recently was terminated by my therapist since she said she couldn’t help me, I haven’t been to Therpay in atleast a week approaching 2 weeks soon, I am extremely suicidal and I’ve had this hallucination and paranoia problem since around maybe Late July with the paranoia and all august with hallucinations.
what I experienced in the past was occasionally paranoia barley hallucinations
But as of recently it’s a 24/7 thing and I’m paranoid that people are gangstalking and that the cars on the road are parked a certain way and drive past me to take pictures of me, I feel like there’s a microchip in my brain, I believe that god is punishing me and that I have to atone for my sins by killing myself somehow, when people say I’m paranoid I present them the signs of it happening and at the end of the day I still believe it mostly. I hear auditory hallucinations frequently now it’s 24/7 and happens the most in the afternoon or at night but happens a lot I’ll hear people on TV sometimes say things like “you caused that murder” or “you’ll hurt everyone you love” that’s not as much though, I hear sirens and people talking gibberish to me either it’s unfamiliar voices or familiar voices like my partner or my parents. Todya I went to the bank and i though the bank teller was trying to steal my soul and was going to tell others about my information. It’s hard to talk now I just don’t have the energy I spend most days in my house, I’ve lost my job a few months ago and am living with my parents currently (hell) and I hear constant screaming and morse code
I really don’t want schizophrenia my mom and uncle have it and it makes me wanna shoot my self
What you describe sounds like psychosis.
The good news is that it is treatable with medication, but you need to see a psychiatrist and get assessed. I would do it sooner. The antipsychotics will make most of those thoughts, paranoia and hallucination symptoms go away.
I think its good that you have enough insight that you can post on here.
BPD and comorbid psychotic disorder is relatively rare, but ive read prodromal schizophrenia sometimes get misdiagnosed as BPD. See a psychaitrist if you want a solid opinion on this. Go to the hospital if youre going to hurt yourself.
I can’t diagnose you, but if I were you, I would see a psychiatrist and tell them what you told us, or print a copy of your post to make sure you cover everything.
I am not at all saying you have schizophrenia, but with a family history, i would make sure to be seen. And like others have said, go to the hospital if you are in danger of self harm.
It sounds like you need an appointment right away with a psychiatrist. And if you’re serious about suicide, you need immediate help such as a crisis line or the emergency room at a hospital. I’m going to tag the moderators so they can give you crisis lines.
A few tips on things that confuse newbies:
Cake day is the anniversary date of when you joined.
The 1515 or other numbers at the end of peoples posts are because there’s a 15 character minimum to post. So people put 15s after until they get to the minimum characters to post.
If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.
You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.